Recently, while reading a Sydney Holmes’ article, one sentence really struck home: I don’t know what it feels like to be relaxed.
A few days ago when my partner and my son-in-law were comparing notes on what it’s like to be in a relationship with an Aspie, a story about a bath experience triggered instant recognition and laughter.
The story is this: A bath was lovingly prepared by the non Aspie partner. He ran the water, perfumed it with beautifully scented oils, and placed candles all around the tub.
“Just relax in the tub while I make dinner,” the spouse said with a loving smile, fully anticipating that his Aspie love would be soaking for at least an hour.
“Six minutes later, she’s back in the kitchen!”
Personally, I cannot imagine being in the bath for more than ten minutes. What do you DO in a bathtub for more than ten minutes? In my experience you feel the water getting colder and your skin wrinkling like a prune. What’s to enjoy?
My Aspie daughter and I share many similar traits which help us comprehend how we differ from much of the rest of society. But our spouses don’t have the same advantage and thus can find understanding our thought processes quite a chore.
It takes a lot of love and understanding to recognize our rationale sometimes. The great news is that it does seem we’re worth it!
Recently I came across several books on Aspie and non-Aspie relationships. My preview of them indicates they could all be both interesting and helpful:
Alone Together: Making An Asperger Marriage Work. by Katrin Bentley.
Loving Someone with Asperger’s Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with Your Partner. by Cindy Ariel PhD.
The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger’s Syndrome, and One Man’s Quest to be a Better Husband. by David Finch.
Asperger’s Syndrome and Long Term Relationship. by Ashley Stanford.
Our Socially Awkward Marriage: Stories from an Asperger Relationship. by Tom and Linda Peters (Kindle)
You can find these and other helpful titles by going to Amazon books and searching “Asperger’s”.
I am sure there is a lot of help in terms of shared experiences in these books, so why not take advantage!
Sydney Holmes quote came from an article in Autism Parenting Magazine, Sept 22, 2015: https://www.autismparentingmagazine.com/dear-teacher-sure-fire-ways-you-can-help-asd-kids/