Category Archives: Uncategorized

To Everyone Who “Can’t Meditate”

Neurodivergent Rebel

Mindfulness and meditation have been a big part of my life for several years now. I’m always happy to share with people how helpful meditation is for me.

Unfortunately almost everyone I talk to about meditation “can’t meditate”.

“I wish I could meditate. My mind isn’t made for that!” or “I can’t stand being still”, a few of the most common excuses why people tell me they “can’t meditate”.

People assume meditation was always easy for me, while in reality, nothing could be further from the truth.

I started meditation because of a deep internal need for change.

My twenty-fifth birthday was coming at me like an out of control locomotive with a sleeping driver. The number made me uneasy and it was coming too fast. Like a doe, hypnotized by the headlights, I felt helpless to stop it.

Something was wrong, missing, empty and completely inexpressible. I’d been searching…

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Aspies: Having a Purpose–Key to Health and Happiness?

In my book, Unforgiving, Memoir of an Asperger Teen, I show the vividness of life when purpose is found and pursued, and the sense of disconnection a teen has when that purpose is lost.

And if you ask some Aspies, they will tell you the thing they know most about happiness, is how elusive it is.

Having a purpose can change that.  It will not only fuel your passion and get you out in the world doing something meaningful, “Purpose” also, according to Dr. Patricia A. Boyle PhD, a neuropsychologist with the Rush Alzheimer’s Disease Center, “somehow gives your brain resilience”.

And according to another study by cardiologist Randy Cohen of St. Lukes-Roosevelt Hospital in New York, Purpose can protect your heart health and contribute to your longevity.

So what is “Purpose” and how do you find it?  One thing at least two people agree on, is that action is the key.

Passion plus Daily Action Equals a Purposeful Life” writes author Shannon Kaiser in her article Three Unexpected Ways to Find Purpose.

In Mark Manson’s article, Seven Strange Questions that Help You Find Your Life Purpose,  he states important truths about purpose-finding.  “Get off your ass and discover what feels important to you,” Manson directs, adding:  “Embrace embarrassment.”  and “Everything sucks some of the time.”

Like Kaiser, Manson insists “Passion is the result of action, not the cause of it.”

Want to live longer, have a healthier heart and brain and do something you actually love?  First you have to find out what that is.  These authors give you fuel for the journey.

Read Manson’s article at: https://markmanson.net/life-purpose

Kaiser’s at:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/shannon-kaiser/3-unexpected-ways-to-find_b_5176511.html

and discover research facts about health and purpose at:

http://www.everydayhealth.com/news/purpose-life-good-your-health/

Asperger’s: Help For Social Encounters.

Isn’t that video helpful for overcoming social anxiety?

You know, no matter how many successful social encounters I have, it seems the ones the Asperger’s ones that don’t go well are the ones that linger ghost-like in my mind, haunting me.

Recently I had an encounter where my aim was to convey care and concern for someone.  I totally missed the mark.

Instead of greeting that person in a pleasant way  to set them at ease, I began with the imperative  We have to talk!

Then, instead of asking how they were or how things were going for them, I launched into a prepared speech!

The target of my concern (and target is a most appropriate term) looked at me as if I were some alien being suddenly projected into the time and space slot before them.

Stunned and confused, possibly even hurt by my well-meaning verbal tackle, they said something abrupt and walked away.

Of course I immediately reviewed all the errors in my approach, feeling an absolute idiot. But then I remembered my advice to all of my fellow Aspies: have compassion for yourself.

I tried, but for the next few weeks, I shuddered each time I recalled the non-conversation.

However, I was redeemed.  When my birthday came along several weeks later, that same person left flowers on my door.  So I guess he got the message regardless of my delivery system.

Take heart, Aspies!  Sometimes our not-so-socially-correct way of communicating still manages to connect.

Yours truly,

Margaret Jean.

 

 

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The Start of Something New

Guest Blog:

Paisley’s blog is a great example of having compassion for yourself. I love how she’s embracing her issues instead of trying to just make them go away! We’ll be following your blog, Paisley.

The Over Thinker

IMG_6433 Thumbs up to me for my first post!

My name is Paisley, I’m a 19 year old student from Ontario, Canada and I have severe anxiety. My whole life I’ve been trying not to let my anxiety define me, but it recently occurred to me that after 19 years of trying to make this thing go away, it won’t. So why not embrace it? That seems to be a trend lately anyways, embracing past tragedies, scars, and physical illnesses, so why shouldn’t we start embracing our mental illness as well?

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The Canadian Autism Partnership: a website to remember.

In my book, Unforgiving, Memoir of an Asperger Teen, I note that Autism wasn’t really a concern until the late 1980’s.  How wonderful it would have been if my parents and teachers (and I!) could have taken a survey like this one.

I received this survey request from the Autism Society of BC.  The Canadian Autism Partnership Project (CAPP) would like all Canadian persons with or dealing with Autism Spectrum in their family, social or professional life to take the CAP survey.

The purpose of the survey is to assist in identifying programs and services that are currently effective and those that are lacking.  Sounds like a good idea, does it not?

The proposed vision of the Canadian Autism Partnership is:

All Canadians living with autism have the opportunity to lead fulfilling and rewarding lives. This means that they are able to access the necessary supports and services in a welcoming and understanding society. 

The proposed mandate of the Canadian Autism Partnership is:

To mobilize partners across sectors on a national level to accelerate innovation and action to address complex issues affecting Canadians living with Autism.

The proposed foundational statement for the Canadian Autism Partnership is:

Canadians living with autism have the right to:

  • ·        inclusion,

  • ·        understanding and acceptance,

  • ·        respect and dignity,

  • ·        full citizenship,

  • ·        equitable opportunities and access,

  • ·        personal autonomy, and

  • ·        decision-making.

The national ASD working group has identified the following areas of focus for the Canadian Autism Partnership:

  • ·        Early detection and diagnosis

  • ·        Treatment and support across the lifespan

  • ·        Education, training and awareness

  • ·        Attachment to the labour force

  • ·        Community living (includes recreation, leisure and housing)

  • ·        Impact on caregivers (includes health, mental health, respite, and senior issues)

  • ·        Research

To take the survey go to:  www.capproject.ca

To view their website, go to: http://www.capproject.ca/index.php/en/

I know I can count on you!

Yours truly,

Margaret Jean.

An Aspie’s Easter: Ritual

Some of you may be somewhat familiar with my paternal Grandmother from reading Unforgiving, Memoir of an Asperger Teen.  Well, every Easter up until I was eleven years old, my grandmother bought me a complete outfit.  I can only remember one of these: a light aqua terylene dress, with white collar, white gloves and white shoes.

Do you have a favorite memory of Easter?  Or maybe there’s new traditions you’re starting now. I’d be interested in hearing some of them.

Easter Sunday was special in those days.  Women wore their very best outfits, including a new hat.  I loved to go to church and see the pretty Spring colours.  The black and navy of winter was gone, and the women brought out the sunnier summer palette.

For me, Easter Sunday still means dressing up.  I love laying out my clothes the night before, choosing the accessories that I’ll wear to accent the outfit I’ve chosen.

More and more I’ve become aware that it is a privilege to attend the church of our choice, and a privilege to worship. We still have that privilege; I like to enjoy it while I can.

After church there was always a big family dinner, sometimes with friends joining in.  Roast ham or chicken, the last of the root vegetables from the cold cellar, home made breads, and for dessert, home made apple pie (there was no other kind in the ancient days) and ice cream. A feast of celebration.!  Who would say no to that?

As an Aspie?  These rituals are precious events, imbued with memories of days past, traditions I never want to relinquish.

 

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Teen Aspie Activities That (Mostly) Don’t Involve Computers.

Is your child a science buff?  If so you likely don’t have a problem prying them away from computer games. Eighteen year old UBC student Ann Stasia Makosnski (not an Aspie to my knowledge) invented a flashlight that works off body heat and a coffee cup that uses the heat of the drink to charge our cell phone. If your child has ‘invention ideas’ encourage them.

Even if the first 500 ideas are flops, they are bound to succeed sooner or later.  Thomas Edison failed 10,000 times (I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways the light bulb will not work) and still became one of the most famous inventors of the 20th century.

Aspies like different ideas.  Here’s one: carry socks wherever you go.  Winter is very hard on homeless people. They often find themselves in below zero temperatures without socks, sometimes even without shoes.  Recently a spokesman for the Union Gospel Mission reccomended giving a nice warm pair of socks to a homeless person.  This suggests that you see them as a person, and empathize with their predicament.

Carrying new warm sox to give to homeless people could be a great way to change a trip to the grocery store or mall into a giving experience for your child.

Does your child frequently post on You Tube?  Alex Plank, an Aspie, developed a website, “Wrong Planet”  for teens with Asperger’s when he was just a teen.

This led Plank to pursue a career in film. He graduated from George Mason University with a degree in Film and Video Studies.  One of his current projects is Autism Talk TV which can be found at:http://wrongplanet.net/autism-talk-tv/.  Plank is currently a consultant for the TV series, The Bridge.

Does your child enjoy talking with older people?

Looking through our local community newspaper, I see that BC Care Providers Association is encouraging anyone who knows someone in a care facility to visit them.  This seems a reasonable activity for Asperger Teens, as they often communicate and get along better with adults than their peers.

Does your child have a special interest?

Let’s say his special interest lies in trains; it might be a good idea to introduce them to an association of people with similar interests, such as a railway model association.

Introduce the child to the association’s activities at a show or exhibition.  Research and explain how meetings are held, and attend with the child at first to help ease him into introductions and conversations.  If it’s a good fit, the child will then have social interaction with people who enjoy his special interest topic.

There are lots of ideas on creative ways to engage your child.  Not all of them involve the computer.

If you have ideas, I’d like to hear them.  Just email me at margaretjean64@gmail.com.

Yours truly,

Margaret Jean.

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2015 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 960 times in 2015. If it were a cable car, it would take about 16 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Asperger’s Poetry!

Cameron

I think I’ll kill myself, he says, and start over.

He looks at me with world-weary eyes.
I despise the people who have made him feel so wrong.

He watches with interest as friends throng around his younger brother.
They hang out.  have fun.  He’s not sure just how that’s done.

Cameron doesn’t do his work, his teacher tells his mom.
He does the minimum, and when we ask for more, he refuses.
The fact is, in the classroom?  Your son does as he chooses.

His teachers want to increase his medication.
His Mom just wants him to get an education.

Did the teachers speak to Mrs. Einstein?
Madam, your son spends too much time gazing at outer space.
And when it comes to Mathematics, his work is a disgrace!

Or Leonardo’s Mom?
Mrs. da Vinci?  You’re Leo’s mom, right?  Well, he doodles all day.  Can’t keep his mind
On his work.  Draws ‘flying’ machines.  And (ahem) did you know he sketches nude men?

Or the mother of Microsoft:
Mrs. Gates, you’ll have to get a tutor to help Billy with his writing.
He’s fighting it. Says he’s going to build some computer: He will speak
and it will type.  You must get his mind off this tripe, Mrs. G.  Bring him
back to earth or he’ll never be worth anything.

I wonder what Mrs. G. might have had to say, how she and the other mothers
might have responded.  Cameron’s mom feels inadequate.  Anxious for her son.
Sometimes despondent.

He can’t pretend.  And anyway, it’s no use now.
Everyone knows he’s different somehow.
His mother tries to ease his pain.  His father’s gone.
Last week he promised to come round.  And didn’t.
Again.

Cameron has Asperger’s or PDD.  It’s a condition he lives with.
But Cameron has voiced what he perceives to be another choice:
I think I’ll kill myself, he said, and start this thing all over again.

He looks at me with world-weary eyes and I despise
the people who have made him feel this way
Because Cameron is my grandson and he’s
eight years old today.

M. J. Adam.

 

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