Monthly Archives: May 2025

Growing up with my Children: an autist’s perspective on parenting

I had a great time growing up with my kids.

We played ball.  We climbed trees. We went berry picking and came home and made cakes oozing with fruit. We walked, checking out the neighbourhoods, the streets and fields around where we lived.

We learned to do cartwheels together on the front lawn, near the old Gravenstein apple tree.

We would sometimes all load up in the little Cortina and go to the beach or the park.

For a time, we lived in a park, a forty-six acre nature park while their dad was a park caretaker.

The kids had dogs and the park had two streams running through it and a swimming hole.  There were swings and slides and a baseball diamond, creeks and bridges.

There were huge trees in the park, cedars and beeches and firs, and all kinds of exotics that the original owner had planted.

My children would run and play with their dogs, with their friends.

They went off to Navy Cadets every week.  Even my son pressed his own uniform pants.  He said I didn’t do it right!  They polished their shoes and kept themselves well turned out for the event.

If there was a quarrel or a fight between them, I would make them face each other and with me in the middle, they would each get a turn to tell their version of what happened, no interruptions. 

Then we would decide what had to happen from there: an apology (usually mutual) or sharing, or whatever the situation called for.  There were consequences, mutually decided, sometimes grudgingly agreed to. But the children knew it was fair and right.

What I got from my childhood, my daughter once said to me, is a sense of justice.

My children still remember how beautiful the park was when all the fruit trees blossomed in the spring. And the wonderful harvests in the fall.

Yes, life was not always idyllic.  In fact, far from it sometimes.  But these memories are what we hold on to…

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Free: Autism Parenting Summit May 16-19

An online summit with guest speaker Dr. Temple Grandin. 

As the parent of a child on the autism spectrum, you will hear discussion about:

  • How to help your child thrive
  • How to navigate challenges presented by the autism spectrum
  • How to give your child the best start.
  • Effective strategies for dealing with:
  • Behaviours, social and communication issues,
  • Everything from picky eating to mental health and anxiety.
  • How to help your child transition into adulthood.
  • Executive function and motor skills, special education.

Other Keynote Speakers:

Dr. Suzanne Goh, Chief Medical Officer, Cortica with Building Your Child’s Brain: Simple Ways to Boost Learning & Behavior

Dr. Eric Weiss, Physician & Surgeon, North Florida Stem Cells: The Biologic Basis for Stem Cell Therapy

Dr. Jeffrey J. Guenzel, CEO & DIR® Institute Director: DIRFloortime® and Autism: A True Strength-Based Approach

And many other experts.  Get full information here: https://autismparentingsummit.com/?utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=facebook&utm_campaign=Warm%20summit%20campaigns%20WC%2014th%20April&utm_content=Site%20visitors%20-%20newsletter%20-%20social

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Autism and Family Dynamics

Growing up in a family divided into two camps was very difficult for her.

My daughter Suzanne, our dear friend, Mary Anne

I’m a tax preparer. Some would say an apt profession for a person on the autism spectrum.  Working alone, dealing with numbers and calculations, facts and figures.  A skill that requires tremendous concentration and an ability to survey the financial landscape; see the complexities that lie within it.

My daughter, Sue, owns the firm.  She has been keeping books and doing taxes since her late teens. Some of the customers have been loyal to her for more than thirty years.

She is a great boss.  Firm but kind.  She is not autistic.  She has millions of friends (or so it seems) and is very social.

Growing up in a family divided into two camps (autistic and not), was very difficult for her. 

For all of us.  We each have our scars.  My emotional immaturity did not help.  I was very young when I birthed my three children. That’s the reality, not an excuse.

I was very young…

I ‘m wearing the dark shirt. My cousin is with me and my children.

As an aging autist, I look back on my early years, my children’s formative years, and I wince.  However much I loved them, and I did love them unequivocally, I know my child rearing was not any where near ideal.

I didn’t know how to play, how to have fun, how to make sure they had the emotional and physical supports that they needed. 

All I could do was love them in my own way.  Certainly not nearly enough to give them a solid start in life.

And yet, today, all three children have their own homes, are gainfully employed, have friends and family close to them.

I am on good terms with all of my children.  When we talk, it is with respect and love.

I speak with my employer/daughter every day, and the love she has for me comes through clearly, even if those conversations are mostly business.

We all survived.  We are well.  And I am so grateful, because I know I do not deserve this beautiful outcome. 

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