Monthly Archives: February 2012

Have You Gone Up To The Roof Yet?

Sometimes life is tough. That's when friends are most needed.

Sometimes we get stuck in life.  Emotionally crippled by job loss, divorce, loss of a loved one, or financial problems.  Or even worse, being brutally victimized.

Or perhaps you know someone right now who is suffering the after effects of any one or maybe more than one of the above.  Your friend seems stuck, unable to deal appropriately with their circumstance, unable to pick up the pieces of their lives and move on.

I’d like to revisit the story of the man whose friends carried him to Jesus on a mat.  He was paralyzed and so incapable of going there by himself.  When they got to where Jesus was speaking, they couldn’t get in.  Couldn’t even get near the door.  They stood on the outer edges of the impassable crowds with their friend on a mat between them. 

Did they give up?  Did they make excuses and go home?  No, they stopped and thought about how they could accomplish their mission.  And the answer came to them:  they climbed up on the roof, dug a hole and lowered their friend down to Jesus.

See, when nothing seems to be working, nothing seems to be going right, that’s when our friendship is especially important.  The very moment when we are most tempted to give in is the exact moment we need to step up, to take our efforts and our friendship a level higher.  

That point of being stuck is often where we find the most creative and effective  measures.  It’s when we are most tempted to walk away, to say there is nothing more I can do, that we most need to stick it out, and be supportive. 

So when you’re tempted to walk away, to say “I’ve done everything I could,” just ask yourself this:  Have you gone up to the roof yet?

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What It Is To Be A Friend…

Would you solicit three friends to help you carry another friend who was paralyzed to see a healer?  And imagine if when you and your friends get to where the healer is, the place is packed, and crowds surround the outside of the venue.  There is such a crush of people, you realize there is no way you can push through the crowds with this man you’re carrying and get in. 

In church this morning, I thought about how Jesus was as popular back then as say, Dr. Oz, is today.  And what if you and three other friends carried this guy all the way to where the doctor was speaking, and you found yourselves, perspiring, tired and thirsty, stranded outside the venue in the heat, no tickets left, no room to squeeze in to catch a glimpse of him, no way to hear what he was saying?

What would you do then?  Would you put the mat down (because it was a mat and not even a stretcher), and turn to your buddies and say, “Well I don’t know about you, but I’m missing the end of a playoff game, and since there’s no chance of us even getting in…”

Would you turn to your friend on the mat and say, “Well, I’m sorry, friend, but it looks like this is the end of the road.  We did everything we could.”

Both of those responses seem fairly reasonable under the circumstances, don’t they?  But they weren’t that kind of friends.   They were the kind that say, “Don’t worry, pal.  We came here so you could see Jesus and we are not leaving until you do.”

And not only did they stick around.  They sat down to figure out how they could get him in to see Jesus.  Finally, one of them must have said, “If we can’t get in the doors, and we can’t get in the windows, the only thing left to try is the roof.”

And the Bible says that they got up on that roof, and they made a hole in it.  They DUG a hole in the roof, that’s what it says.  They didn’t argue about whether or not it was legal, or whether or not they would be sued, whether or not they had come prepared to climb up a building with a crippled guy on a mat, or to dig a hole in a roof.  No.

They said, “We came here so you could see Jesus and we are not leaving here until you do.”

And then they lowered the man down, mat and all.  And Jesus could have looked at them and said, “What in the world do you think you’re doing?  You just wrecked the roof!” 

But he didn’t.   Jesus saw beyond that.  He saw their determination, and their absolute faith in his power to heal their friend. 

And so he healed him.  And the man took up his bed and walked out to meet his friends.  Walked home with them.

Now we have already talked about what great friends that man had.  Friends who did not abandon him when he lost his ability to walk.  When his life suddenly and drastically changed and he could no longer accompany them on their outings and in their businesses.  Friends who helped him find a cure.  Friends who carried him when he needed to be carried.

But have you thought about what a great friend the bed-ridden man must have been to them?  Otherwise, their love for him would not have been so great.  Their determination to have him healed would not have been so focused, and so creative.

In Unforgiving, I talk about growing up with Asperger’s and how being a Christian and a believer was helpful to me.  And this morning in mass, this story about Jesus and the men who brought their friend to be healed, told me again what it is to be a friend.

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Asperger Traits? Really?

I love this video about Asperger’s traits: .  It seems to me to be thoughtfully put together.  But I am tired of hearing that Aspie’s have no empathy, and imaginary worlds are beyond us. 

In my book, Unforgiving, Memoir of An Asperger Teen, soon to be out on Amazon, I talk about the part imagination played in helping me through my childhood.

And why, if imagination is not our strong suit, are so many inventors, film makers, and landmark thinkers such as Isaac Newton, included (often posthumously) in the syndrome?  These are obviously people with foresight and the ability to envision possibilities that are beyond others’ comprehension.  

Difficulty with writing imaginatively?  Thinking?  I highly doubt it.  It is precisely the ability to see beyond their current limitations that made these people famous!

So what? you may say.  These people were not diagnosed, they are just presumed by some people to have Aspergers’ or Autistic tendencies.  

Well then let me give you the example of my grandson, who was diagnosed at an early age as being in the autism spectrum, and who, before he had graduated highschool, had written an entire book length story based in a science fiction fantasy world that he created.

As for empathy–It isn’t that we don’t experience empathy–it’s that our voices, faces and body language don’t show it.  We have what is called “flat affect”.  This makes us seem to have no response to events.  We also have little or no tonal expression (unless we’re in panic mode and often, even then!). 

Thus, it’s very difficult for people to grasp when we’re feeling anything.  Sometimes we might be totally panicking inside, or absolutely happy about a suggestion someone has made, but we don’t express this well.

I remember watching a woman exclaim expressively and happily about a suggestion her husband had made.  Asperger me, I thought her very melodramatic.   Seriously, I thought that sort of facial and tonal response belonged only on the stage!  

Undoubtedly some people who do not feel empathy and/or have trouble with imaginative thinking are in the Autism Spectrum.  Just as others who lack empathy and imagination, are not in the spectrum. 

Yours truly,

Margaret Jean.

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Rap Tune About Bullying Comes To Surprising Conclusion.

Hi!  This blog site is to talk about current issues associated with my book, UNFORGIVING, the Memoir of an Asperger Teen.  The book is set in the 1960’s and relives the summer I won a part in a National Film Board short. 
How does it feel to go from every day rural life to the glamour of being chauffered to and from work every day?   How does one differentiate between past abusive and present normal relationships?  Where do I turn for help?
Since bullying is always an issue with Asperger kids, a good way to start this blog is with this video about bullying.
Don’t be put off by the initial verses.  The rapper comes around to an excellent solution for kids who are being bullied.
I hope you enjoy this work…Where do kids like me go?
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