Happy New Year everyone!
Invited to a party? Anxious about how that will go? Good news, Aspies: Mixing well at a party is really painless. Here are ten steps to being at ease at a party:
-
Be presentable. Clean body and clothes, regardless of what you wear. Fresh breath and deodorant are a must. No pet hair on clothes. Lots of people are allergic and you don’t want everyone in the room moving away from you all night.
-
Arrive on time, especially if it’s a dinner party. Don’t come early, and don’t arrive more than fifteen minutes after the specified time.
-
Be thoughtful of the host/hostess. Where do you put your coat, etc? Can you help with anything? They will most likely greet you at the door, take your coat, and either hand you a drink or point you to the refreshment table/bar.
-
Forget about YOU. This is a gathering of diverse people the host brought together with the overall idea of a fun/stimulating/entertaining evening. Therefore each person regardless of appearance, abilities or disabilities, is worthy of your time and attention.
-
Spend a little time with each guest as they become conversationally accessible. Introduce yourself, mention the weather or the funny hat the host is wearing, or how you know the host. Ask the person about themselves: what do they like to do? How do they know the host? What is the best movie they’ve seen this year? The worst?
-
LISTEN: Really listen. You aren’t listening if you’re waiting to talk about your favorite topic. And you aren’t listening if you’re looking around wondering who to talk to next. To listen, look at the other person. Absorb what they’re saying. Think of something to ask that relates to what they are saying, or, if the conversation is complex, briefly rephrase what they’ve said to make it clear that you understand. The point of any conversation is to draw the other person out, to see into their mind, their interests, their lives.
-
Excuse yourself, when it becomes obvious the other person is never going to stop talking, or others have joined in and are pretty much carrying the conversation. Do not take offence that this has happened, it is a natural evolution of party talk. However, if you see people moving away from you? Probably you are talking too much! Go on to the next.
-
At the end of the night, say a brief goodnight to each person you chatted with, thank your host and check that you have everything; cell phone, purse or wallet, hat, scarf, gloves.
-
Do not be the last to leave! Unless the host has designated you part of the clean up crew, exit the party in a timely manner. It’s okay to leave at any time, but probably best if you wait til after two or three others have left.
-
The next day, call or text your host/hostess to tell them how much you enjoyed the event. Be only positive in this missive. Do not point out how they could have improved the party or who they should not have invited or that your aunt has a better recipe for baked Brie. Positive remarks only along with thank you.
Margaret Jean 