Category Archives: An Asperger Day

Perfect? Not This Aspie!

In case you think I’m writing this blog from a position of perfection, you should know: it ain’t necessarily so.

Once on a road trip with my daughter?  She was singing along to some CD’s she brought.  I think she has a pretty voice.  She loves to sing.  But like me?  She has a little problem with keeping on tune.

No big deal.  But she sings in a band.  So I said, in a very motherly way, if she would take singing lessons?  I would pay for them.

She wrote a whole blog about that.

If you don’t think I was out of line?  You probably have Asperger’s too.

Another time, I went to visit my other daughter, who at that time was a single mom.  There were a number of issues I wanted to discuss with her, so I made a list.  And pulled it out and started on number one.

She laughed so hard she nearly fell over.  That is so YOU, Mom.  A list of what to talk about!

Just thought you’d like to know—both girls still love me, still include me in their lives, and are only a phone call away when I need anything.

But don’t think the author of this blog has come to perfect her social relationships.  I do research so that we can learn together.

Yours truly,

Margaret Jean.

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Caught Myself Asperger Talking Again…

I blew a conversation today.  You’d think at my age, I have it all figured out by now.  But I don’t.

I was in Starbucks waiting for my latte when a woman remarked that she liked my scarf.  I don’t wear them, she said, but that looks really good on you.

Thank you, I said.

So far, so good.  My latte came and I went over to the counter where they have the nutmeg, lids and other goodies.  The woman happened to be just putting the lid on her drink.

If you decide to get one for some one else, I said, and proceeded to tell her, in boring detail where the shop was, the name of the shop, how close it is to Super Store and how very inexpensive the scarves are there.

The one person I know who wears scarves, has lots, she said, and quickly left the store.

I do know how to handle a compliment.  I have told myself about a hundred times.  On the way out to the car, I reminded myself again:

If someone compliments you on something?  Just say thank you.  Leave it at that.

Unless they go on to ask you about the item.  Then, you can say one something about it.  Just two or three sentences at most.

The idea is to intrigue people into conversations.  Not trap them.

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An Asperger Day: From Frustration to Figuring It Out.

Ever feel like you’re drowning in a social situation?  Like  if you don’t get to be alone in five minutes or less you won’t be able to breathe?

I’d spent a wonderful day with a friend.  We’d done the shops and lunch and it was all good.  When she dropped me off at home, I invited her in to see our apartment thinking, of course, that she would then leave.  That’s an Aspie for you.

Instead, she and my husband, Cash, struck up a conversation.  They had no idea that I was done.

To my dismay, Cash did what I, as hostess, should have done–offered her coffee.  I quickly put the coffee on, even thought it meant she would stay longer than I felt I could manage. I worked hard at not showing my disappointment as I brought in the steaming mugs.

Then my husband said the kids wanted to get together the next day for Father’s Day.  “Oh, what did they have in mind?” I asked,visions of them taking him off somewhere for the day dancing  in my head.

“They’re coming here,” he said.

I’m an Aspie, so caught off guard, no filters, right?  I blurted out, “Oh no!”  It was already 5 p.m. and we were having people for dinner tomorrow?   The bathrooms needed cleaning.  Dinner for six planned and prepared.

“Just coffee and dessert is fine,” he said, his face falling at my attitude.  My guest was shocked at my ungracious response.

To change the subject, Cash talked about the trip we were planning to the southern US to visit relatives. My friend had an inspiration:  “A road trip with George and I!” she exclaimed.  “Wouldn’t that be fun! We could take two or three weeks…”  She and my husband elaborated enthusiastically about the vacation.

In my present state, I was now forced to imagine three weeks in a compact car with three other people. In a very warm climate.

Mind and body immediately responded with all the symptoms of intense claustrophobia.

However, I managed to breathe more or less normally while smiling and nodding in some of the right places.   I did not want to hurt my friend’s feelings.  She is a lovely person.

My friend left at 6:20 p.m.

At 3 a.m. I woke thinking about the day.   I had enjoyed being out with my friend.   But, I realized I needed to make my expectations clear when we set out—tell her that when we came back I’d be bringing her in to see the suite, but then I had things to do.  And I should have reinforced that just before leaving the restaurant.

As for the kids coming over—I always enjoy them, but I like to have lots of good food ready, and I didn’t know if I’d have time to do that, and so I reacted badly.

Cash was up by then, too, and after talking things over, we decided to take a chicken out of the freezer.  He roasts a great chicken, and he’d be happy to do so.  I would go to the store and buy his favorite lemon cake and strawberries for dessert after making the apartment presentable.

We hugged after finding our happy solution, and went back to bed.

We had a great afternoon.  Not a speck of chicken was left.

As for the trip?  Well, that has four months to die a natural death.

I’m working on it.

Yours truly,

Margaret Jean.

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