This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man*.
You may often hear or read this quote: the epitome of self-awareness. As someone on the Autism Spectrum, it registers with me. It must be so for many people now and also throughout the ages since Shakespeare’s time, because it is often quoted.
And yet, it is commonly known that humans are born with the herd instinct.
For instance, in Chapter nine of Atomic Habits, James clear states that the human brain is programmed with the desire to be like everybody else.
This need originates in a protective instinct which triggers the drive to be included–The aptly named ‘herd instinct’. To belong, to imitate the successful integrative and admired behaviours of others, to go along with behaviours we might secretly deplore, stems from our earliest prehistory.
As cave dwellers, and tribesmen, living within the group we were protected, we could benefit from shared resources. On our own, alone, banished, or ostracized, we became easy targets for wild animals, other tribes, disease and injury. Vulnerable. Miserable. Usually prey. Ultimately dead.
Safety was an overwhelming issue. As for procreation, the presence of at least one other person was required. Then there’s the bonus of shared resources as well as shared responsibilities. Going along with the prevailing group meant not only survival but a more desirable quality of life.
Theoretically our habits and behaviours are influenced by the culture in which we are born, raised and which we enter into as adults.
Scientifically we are told that our brains are programmed to want to be aligned with the position assumed by the majority, and the powerful.
Research has proven time and again that being smart, being right, being true to yourself is less important than aligning oneself with the prevailing opinion. This is ingrained in our being. Man is mentally programmed to respond in this manner.
I realized as I read this that, surprisingly, I had never wanted to be like everyone else. In my memoir “Unforgiving” I explained that while my teenaged peers wanted to be different, they only really wanted to be different from their parents–not from each other. As for me:
I wanted to be the one and only Margaret Jean on the planet, and I wanted to be indelibly stamped as that single original sample of humanity whose Margaret Jean-ness would permeate every cell of her body and shine through everything she did.
That led me to think about other autistic people, in my family and in my friendships and acquaintances. Many of them have expressed the same feeling: Yes, we want to be accepted. Yes, we want to be understood. And no, we do not want to be like everybody else.
We value our uniqueness, the different way we perceive situations and people. Our evaluation of events and information. For instance, what if Temple Grandin had given in to everyone else’s concept of the behaviour of cattle, ignoring her insights as to their behaviours? What if she had not had the courage to pursue the possibility of uniqueness in her brain?
We shouldn’t feel apologetic for being autistic. It is how we were born, who we are.
I may misunderstand some social situations, but I may also have a deeper understanding of some. I may be more intent on social justice than I am on fitting in. Is that really a bad thing?
Our friends and family want to draw us into the herd for our own protection. For our own social welfare. For our own social ease. Admirably, they are thinking of our own good.
But is it what we want? Do we seek permission to be who we intrinsically are? Do we need it? Those few who make it—how do they do it? By accepting themselves…By being true to who they are.
*Hamlet, act I, scene iii, lines 78–80.
Margaret Jean 