Tag Archives: writing

Growing up with my Children: an autist’s perspective on parenting

I had a great time growing up with my kids.

We played ball.  We climbed trees. We went berry picking and came home and made cakes oozing with fruit. We walked, checking out the neighbourhoods, the streets and fields around where we lived.

We learned to do cartwheels together on the front lawn, near the old Gravenstein apple tree.

We would sometimes all load up in the little Cortina and go to the beach or the park.

For a time, we lived in a park, a forty-six acre nature park while their dad was a park caretaker.

The kids had dogs and the park had two streams running through it and a swimming hole.  There were swings and slides and a baseball diamond, creeks and bridges.

There were huge trees in the park, cedars and beeches and firs, and all kinds of exotics that the original owner had planted.

My children would run and play with their dogs, with their friends.

They went off to Navy Cadets every week.  Even my son pressed his own uniform pants.  He said I didn’t do it right!  They polished their shoes and kept themselves well turned out for the event.

If there was a quarrel or a fight between them, I would make them face each other and with me in the middle, they would each get a turn to tell their version of what happened, no interruptions. 

Then we would decide what had to happen from there: an apology (usually mutual) or sharing, or whatever the situation called for.  There were consequences, mutually decided, sometimes grudgingly agreed to. But the children knew it was fair and right.

What I got from my childhood, my daughter once said to me, is a sense of justice.

My children still remember how beautiful the park was when all the fruit trees blossomed in the spring. And the wonderful harvests in the fall.

Yes, life was not always idyllic.  In fact, far from it sometimes.  But these memories are what we hold on to…

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Roy Miki’s Last Class–A Case of Continuing Ed.

At The Writers’ Union Conference this weekend, I ran into many people from my past.  I was delighted to see B.C. writer and poet, Roy Miki.  Roy was a long-time professor at Simon Fraser University and I had the great privilege of being in the last class he taught before his retirement–a fourth level English course on bio-writing projects.

“It was my last class, so I had nothing to lose,” he said.  Academic perfection was no longer his aim.  Rather, his desire was to help his students discover the deepest levels of their creativity.

He said it was a great class, and that many of the students had gone on to do wonderful things:  publish books, or pursue their PhD’s or work in other artistic mediums.

I showed him a copy of my book, Unforgiving, The Memoir of an Asperger Teen  and we talked about how it began as a 3500 word bio-excerpt in his Creative Writing Class.  He remembered it well, even the photo I had used on the project cover, which is now on the back of the book.

Later, in a chance encounter, he asked me what I would do next.  I told him a bit about my next project, a study of a BC unsolved crime involving the axe murder of two children.  In the brief time that we talked, he led to me some key insights into the project, how to approach it, where my strengths lie, and insisted I must begin at once.  “Don’t put it off,” he advised me, “You’ve done the research, so just start writing.”

When we are students sitting in a classroom, we can never know where that moment will take us.  How fortunate I was to find myself in Roy Miki’s Last Class.  And how marvellous that it’s turned into a sort of continuing ed program just by virtue of his generous advice.

You can find Roy Miki’s books at: Roy Miki at Amazon and look up his illustrious career on The Writers’ Union of Canada member pages.

Yours truly,

Margaret Jean.

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