Category Archives: Aspies raising children

May 03 2025
Leave a comment
Aspies and families, Aspies parenting, Aspies raising children, Autism Spectrum, Positive Aspects of Life on the Spectrum

Autism and Family Dynamics

Growing up in a family divided into two camps was very difficult for her.

My daughter Suzanne, our dear friend, Mary Anne

I’m a tax preparer. Some would say an apt profession for a person on the autism spectrum.  Working alone, dealing with numbers and calculations, facts and figures.  A skill that requires tremendous concentration and an ability to survey the financial landscape; see the complexities that lie within it.

My daughter, Sue, owns the firm.  She has been keeping books and doing taxes since her late teens. Some of the customers have been loyal to her for more than thirty years.

She is a great boss.  Firm but kind.  She is not autistic.  She has millions of friends (or so it seems) and is very social.

Growing up in a family divided into two camps (autistic and not), was very difficult for her. 

For all of us.  We each have our scars.  My emotional immaturity did not help.  I was very young when I birthed my three children. That’s the reality, not an excuse.

I was very young…

I ‘m wearing the dark shirt. My cousin is with me and my children.

As an aging autist, I look back on my early years, my children’s formative years, and I wince.  However much I loved them, and I did love them unequivocally, I know my child rearing was not any where near ideal.

I didn’t know how to play, how to have fun, how to make sure they had the emotional and physical supports that they needed. 

All I could do was love them in my own way.  Certainly not nearly enough to give them a solid start in life.

And yet, today, all three children have their own homes, are gainfully employed, have friends and family close to them.

I am on good terms with all of my children.  When we talk, it is with respect and love.

I speak with my employer/daughter every day, and the love she has for me comes through clearly, even if those conversations are mostly business.

We all survived.  We are well.  And I am so grateful, because I know I do not deserve this beautiful outcome. 

Tagged , , , ,
Mar 10 2015
Leave a comment
Asperger teens, Aspies and families, Aspies parenting, Aspies raising children, Aspies Socialization

Praise for Aspies–How Does That Work?

Being praised for being smart can unwittingly lead bright kids to a downward learning spiral.

So says Mary Loftus in an April 2013 Psychology Today article; Smooth Encounters.

Loftus suggests kids who are told they are bright may not put in as much effort, thinking things should come naturally to them.

This can lead to poor results which can make them doubt their ability.

Praise effort, Loftus suggests.  Praising the work leading up to the brilliant report or impressive project is often more helpful for the child seeking reassurance.  Praise persistence.  Praise performance.  Remind the child of obstacles overcome.

This kind of praise leads to intellectual and social success.

Try it!

Yours truly,

Margaret Jean.

Tagged , , , ,
Jan 27 2015
1 Comment
Adult Aspies and Social situations, Aspies and families, Aspies raising children, Autism Spectrum, Temple Grandin

An Aspie Life: Questions Raised by Temple Grandin’s Example.

When I look at Temple Grandin’s life, I feel ashamed of how little I have accomplished.

Mostly all I’ve done is love someone and raise three children with a whole lot of cooking, washing, ironing and housecleaning in between.  I went to university late, earned a degree.  Wrote some books.  Started a Quilter’s guild.  It seems a minimal contribution at best.  But then I look at my three children and suddenly my life seems to have some significance.

Not that I take any credit for how wonderfully they turned out.  I know I was an inadequate parent.  I didn’t know about Asperger’s least of all that I had it, and so did my daughter and possibly my son.  Maybe we all did.  One daughter and two grandchildren diagnosed.  I am so proud of who they are today.  Fine people.  They have become my friends as well as my children.  We mentored each other along the way.  I was very young when I had them, you see, just eighteen when I had my first and when she was three, the youngest was born.  I was fertile if nothing else.

And because of my autism, my Asperger’s, I was socially very immature.  So we grew up together.  I helped them where I could.  And when they saw me stuck they’d step in and give me a nudge in the right direction.  I wasn’t mature for most of my first two marriages.  But in the third one I think I finally mastered at least some of the art of maturity.  Not that I’m anywhere near finished yet.

My children are independent, organized, kind, and intelligent.  I don’t know what more I could ask of them.

But of myself I have to ask this: what have I done to better the world I live in?

Offhand?  I don’t know the answer.  And that seems a sad thing.

Yours truly,

Margaret Jean.

Tagged , ,