writing on the Spectrum | Margaret Jean

A Statement from the BC Autism Support Network:

May 31 2025

Growing up with my Children: an autist’s perspective on parenting

I had a great time growing up with my kids.

We played ball. We climbed trees. We went berry picking and came home and made cakes oozing with fruit. We walked, checking out the neighbourhoods, the streets and fields around where we lived.

We learned to do cartwheels together on the front lawn, near the old Gravenstein apple tree.

We would sometimes all load up in the little Cortina and go to the beach or the park.

For a time, we lived in a park, a forty-six acre nature park while their dad was a park caretaker.

The kids had dogs and the park had two streams running through it and a swimming hole. There were swings and slides and a baseball diamond, creeks and bridges.

There were huge trees in the park, cedars and beeches and firs, and all kinds of exotics that the original owner had planted.

My children would run and play with their dogs, with their friends.

They went off to Navy Cadets every week. Even my son pressed his own uniform pants. He said I didn’t do it right! They polished their shoes and kept themselves well turned out for the event.

If there was a quarrel or a fight between them, I would make them face each other and with me in the middle, they would each get a turn to tell their version of what happened, no interruptions.

Then we would decide what had to happen from there: an apology (usually mutual) or sharing, or whatever the situation called for. There were consequences, mutually decided, sometimes grudgingly agreed to. But the children knew it was fair and right.

What I got from my childhood, my daughter once said to me, is a sense of justice.

My children still remember how beautiful the park was when all the fruit trees blossomed in the spring. And the wonderful harvests in the fall.

Yes, life was not always idyllic. In fact, far from it sometimes. But these memories are what we hold on to…

Tagged dogs, nature, travel, trees, writing

Apr 04 2025

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Adult Aspies and Social situations, Positive Aspects of Life on the Spectrum, Temple Grandin, UNFORGIVING, writing on the Spectrum

Autism and Life Beyond the Herd

This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man*.

You may often hear or read this quote: the epitome of self-awareness. As someone on the Autism Spectrum, it registers with me. It must be so for many people now and also throughout the ages since Shakespeare’s time, because it is often quoted.

And yet, it is commonly known that humans are born with the herd instinct.

For instance, in Chapter nine of Atomic Habits, James clear states that the human brain is programmed with the desire to be like everybody else.

This need originates in a protective instinct which triggers the drive to be included–The aptly named ‘herd instinct’. To belong, to imitate the successful integrative and admired behaviours of others, to go along with behaviours we might secretly deplore, stems from our earliest prehistory.

As cave dwellers, and tribesmen, living within the group we were protected, we could benefit from shared resources. On our own, alone, banished, or ostracized, we became easy targets for wild animals, other tribes, disease and injury. Vulnerable. Miserable. Usually prey. Ultimately dead.

Safety was an overwhelming issue. As for procreation, the presence of at least one other person was required. Then there’s the bonus of shared resources as well as shared responsibilities. Going along with the prevailing group meant not only survival but a more desirable quality of life.

Theoretically our habits and behaviours are influenced by the culture in which we are born, raised and which we enter into as adults.

Scientifically we are told that our brains are programmed to want to be aligned with the position assumed by the majority, and the powerful.

Research has proven time and again that being smart, being right, being true to yourself is less important than aligning oneself with the prevailing opinion. This is ingrained in our being. Man is mentally programmed to respond in this manner.

I realized as I read this that, surprisingly, I had never wanted to be like everyone else. In my memoir “Unforgiving” I explained that while my teenaged peers wanted to be different, they only really wanted to be different from their parents–not from each other. As for me:

I wanted to be the one and only Margaret Jean on the planet, and I wanted to be indelibly stamped as that single original sample of humanity whose Margaret Jean-ness would permeate every cell of her body and shine through everything she did.

That led me to think about other autistic people, in my family and in my friendships and acquaintances. Many of them have expressed the same feeling: Yes, we want to be accepted. Yes, we want to be understood. And no, we do not want to be like everybody else.

We value our uniqueness, the different way we perceive situations and people. Our evaluation of events and information. For instance, what if Temple Grandin had given in to everyone else’s concept of the behaviour of cattle, ignoring her insights as to their behaviours? What if she had not had the courage to pursue the possibility of uniqueness in her brain?

We shouldn’t feel apologetic for being autistic. It is how we were born, who we are.

I may misunderstand some social situations, but I may also have a deeper understanding of some. I may be more intent on social justice than I am on fitting in. Is that really a bad thing?

Our friends and family want to draw us into the herd for our own protection. For our own social welfare. For our own social ease. Admirably, they are thinking of our own good.

But is it what we want? Do we seek permission to be who we intrinsically are? Do we need it? Those few who make it—how do they do it? By accepting themselves…By being true to who they are.

*Hamlet, act I, scene iii, lines 78–80.

Tagged accountability, Atomic Habits, Autism & Individualism, Autism and acceptance, books, feedback, habit, Herd instinct, James Clear, neuroscience

Mar 28 2025

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autism relationships, sexual abuse survivors, Writing, writing on the Spectrum

Autism: Criticism and Self Doubt

Inez Garcia 1974

Growing up on the Autism spectrum, being constantly criticized for my behaviour, often justifiably so, created tremendous self-doubt.

This criticism made it easy for people to convince me that behaviour that I felt was entirely appropriate was in fact, unacceptable.

Lately, I’ve read James Clear’s Atomic Habits, in which he states that a habit he has ingrained is that he has to write every day. He only has to write one line, but the habit he’s ingrained is, he has to write every day. That, he says, is how he became a writer.

I was born a writer.

In my early teens I wrote poetry, the words flowing from an inner source that moved my pen across the page. I could easily express emotion and lead my audience to exactly where I wanted to take them.

People listened attentively and responded with enthusiasm. For me, it was as natural as breathing.

Then I bound myself into a relationship with a much older man. A well-educated man who had studied the classics and philosophy. A man raised in an atmosphere of Emily Post’s Blue Book of Etiquette. A man who denigrated my writing.

One day, in a passionate sense of injustice I wrote poetically about an incident that I heard about in the news.

The news article featured a woman of strong character–Inez Garcia. A woman who was raped. Two men assaulted her, one of whom weighed over three hundred pounds. He held her down, while the other man raped her. When they were done, they let her go. Threats against her life were uttered. Incensed and traumatized, she went home. She grabbed her son’s gun. She hunted one man down. Shot and killed him. The other man fled.

I wrote the ballad in her defense when she was arrested and charged with first degree murder.

My husband was shocked. It was 1974 and the very thought that I would dare to write about rape–a forbidden subject—offended him. That I could even consider defending the woman he found despicable. The thought of me submitting the ballad to any publication appalled him. He told me to burn it.

At the time, Women’s Rights and the Chicano Movement were gaining ground in the San Francisco Bay area. When news of Garcia’s plight became known, feminists took up her cause, and Garcia herself became a speaker addressing women’s groups.

According to Wikipedia, I was not the only woman to take up the pen in Garcia’s defense.

As a cause celebre, her (Inez Garcia’s) case inspired numerous works of art and music, including the Beverly Grant folk song “Inez”, performed with the group The Human Condition; Marge Piercy’s poem “For Inez Garcia”;^[5] and Jayne Cortez’s poem “Rape.”^[6]

These women became noted for their work in Garcia’s defense and went on to become well published writers.

As for me, I didn’t burn my ballad, but I did essentially fold up my writing persona and immerse myself in motherhood and housekeeping.

That I gave up writing at that point in my life was not my husband’s fault. It was entirely mine, for giving his opinion so much weight, and my own so little recognition.

Years later and in a more progressive relationship, I entered a university undergraduate program where I studied literature, including contemporary poetry. Writing that I found surprisingly reminiscent of my early work.

And by degrees I learned to trust myself to write again, encouraged by professors who recognized my latent talent and helped me publish.

But the process is not the same. It’s a constant battle to put my writing first, to allow myself to sit down and open that channel.

This is my continued fascination with Atomic Habits: sooner or later the habit of sitting down to write will be ingrained, and I will once again, see myself as a writer.

If you are having self-doubts, if you feel that what you believe is worthwhile is being negated by everyone around you, don’t give up and please, don’t give in.

Trust yourself, and find your place in this world. It’s waiting for you.

Inez Garcia was retried and exonerated after serving two years in prison.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inez_Garc%C3%ADa Research data’

Tagged Atomic Habits, Autism spectrum & criticism, autism spectrum and social situations, creative-writing, Inez Garcia, James Clear, The Women's Movement 1974

Apr 02 2024

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mindfulness, writing on the Spectrum

A Work In Progress

Making the Body/Mind Connection Part 3

I am trying hard to follow my own advice and be more mindful, but too often, I find that I am not.

I find myself preoccupied with work problems and issues. It’s high season for my seasonal work, and the demands on me are almost unbearably heavy right now.

I do not wish for my days to be entirely consumed with work. There is so much more that I want to do!

I live on the usually rainy west coast of BC, but when it is unseasonably sunny out, I need to bask in that sun for at least half an hour, just to remind myself that there’s a rewarding and joyful life available and waiting for me.

I like to both read and least listen to books, but I am reduced to only listening to audio books in the car on my way to the gym.

Lately, I find I am not even making time to phone and chat with my friends or keep in touch with my distant cousins and relatives, some of whom count on me for support and encouragement.

I am incredibly fortunate in that I have a caring partner who plans and prepares our meals, and takes care of the light housekeeping and gardening.

So really, my complaint, when I stop to think about it, is not about my situation, it’s about how I am dealing with it, which is a result of what’s going on in my head.

This reminds me of an article I once read, by an esteemed author named Ekhart Tolle. He said something that really caught my interest.

He said our minds are busy clogging up our thoughts with the past and the future. This keeps us from noticing and fully living the possibilities and the pleasure of the moment we are in.

Tolle believes that even when we feel that being in the present moment is painful, unpleasant or even unacceptable, that feeling is a judgement we are making about that moment. And just thinking in those terms, Tolle warns us, works against our best interests.

These assessments of our situation are pronounced as unalterable facts by our mind, and Tolle posits that it is this judgement which causes us pain and unhappiness.

Tolle’s wise advice? “Whatever the present moment brings, accept it as if you had chosen it.” He cautions us to always work with the present and never against it.

“Make the present moment your friend and not your enemy, and you will transform your life.”

This advice sounds powerful. Also very difficult to initiate and sustain.

Reflecting on this article, which I’ve found in my files, I realize that accepting the reality of the present moment requires practice.

To do so without adding mental predictions of where it is taking me, or how it has affected me, or labelling it a positive or negative moment, to simply accept the moment whatever it may bring, could be the next step in my journey to mindfulness.

I must learn to live in the present moment. To recognize what I am doing. To be fully cognizant of my immediate situation, my environment and my body, as I am moving into the next moment. And that the next moment is always an unknown.

I am working on it.

Tagged Ekhart Tolle

Mar 24 2024

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awkwardness, body, body and mind, mind, mindfulness, mobility, physical self, writing on the Spectrum

United We Stand, Divided We….

Exploring the Mind/Body Connection Part 2

I am grateful to my body for all the years it has amazingly, carried me through this life. In elementary school, it helped me win races and high jump and in high school, allowed me to participate in team sports like baseball and basketball. I could act in film and on stage. I could walk for miles and often had to. This body bore me three fine children. And in the confines of this body, I cared for a husband with a critical heart condition.

But ultimately, I never thought much about the physical embodiment that accompanied ‘me’ wherever I went. I stumbled, tripped, rushed, and blundered.

Alternately, I would sit for hours in an unhealthy position, lost in a book or a problem or a project. My body was just there with me, taken for granted, unnoticed, like an unloved child in the room.

The most positive remark I can make about my attitude toward my body is that I have always been aware that mobility is crucial to a vibrant and happy life. So, this project of honouring my physical self should be a simple matter, right?

The trouble is my mind seems to be jealous.

Just when I think I’m doing well with regular breaks from the computer for movement and stretching, or going to the gym, my mind steps in and takes over, completely absorbing me for hours beyond the time I have allotted it, and once again robbing my body of its due.

Why do I live so much in my head? Why are my thoughts a constant flow of unremitting playback and commentary?

Why can I not enjoy a mental silence now and then? A cessation of mental chatter, a period of serenity which would allow me to breathe more deeply, to drink in the moment, the bright purple and yellow of the primulas outside my window, the hummingbirds hovering at the feeder, the snow on the roofs across the way.

Suddenly, it becomes clear: to give my body its due, I must be able to exert some control over my mind.

My friend, Richard, an expert in mindfulness tells me it will take a conscious effort to co-ordinate my body and mind. It’s a matter of giving my physicality the mindful recognition it deserves. And treating it respectfully.

Richard says I must learn to be still: to extricate myself from this mental rat race in which I seem perpetually absorbed.

I must deliberately engage both body and mind, he tells me, not only when motion is involved but also when it’s time to be still!

He says there is a way to harmoniously reunite my mind with my body. That I must recognize that there are no grounds for perceiving these aspects of myself as a duality. But this body/mind division seems so real to me. If he’s right, I’m not dealing with two separate entities, body and mind are intimately connected. It seems they just don’t recognize each other now.

I must introduce my body and my mind to each other.

I’m going to ask Richard to tell me more about this. What does recognizing the oneness of my body and mind look like in everyday life? How do I practice this kind of unity? Does anyone else feel this disconnect–this separation of these two aspects of self? How do we reconnect, assuming the connection existed in the first place?

Come join me in my exploration of the mind/body connection!

Tagged autism body/mind ', health, jealous mind, mental-health, mindfulness, vibrant life, wellness

Feb 28 2024

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writing on the Spectrum

Helping Neurodivergent Children Have Success in the Classroom.

Positive Aspects: Sheila’s Story continued.

Feb 25 2024

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writing on the Spectrum

Positive aspects of non-neurotypical thinking

Positive Aspects: Sheila’s Story continued.

Jan 13 2024

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Autism Spectrum, Autism Spectrum diagnosis, writing on the Spectrum

Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

An Empowering Read for Women on the Autism Spectrum

I appreciate Rudy Simone’s acknowledgement that sometimes our social behaviours result in “botched interactions” causing feelings of guilt and self-blame. We on the spectrum have all had those experiences!

I learned that I was on the spectrum when my grandson was diagnosed. My daughter phoned me, very excited, and added, “And Mom, you and I also have all the symptoms!”

It was a joyful and terrifying moment. Joyful because suddenly there was an explanation for my horrific record of social blunders. Terrifying because it meant that I had been stumbling blindly through school, marriages and child-rearing without the benefit of this knowledge.

The awareness gave me the gift of compassion for myself. As Simone says in Aspergirls, diagnosis comes with a sensation of relief.

I would like to say that I stopped feeling inadequate in that moment, but like the women in Simone’s book, and as anyone on the spectrum knows, that fear of being found lacking in social situations does not suddenly vanish.

Still, I’ve found that sense of insecurity can sometimes be useful. Feeling uncertain can make me hesitant at times, a caution which allows me to reassess a situation and perhaps even quickly think through and revise my initial instinctive response.

Simone notes that not being diagnosed invites all kinds of speculation, including unflattering and insulting conclusions about what our ‘problem’ is.

People will often assume that our lack of social propriety is intentional. Or, seeing that we are vulnerable, some folks can’t resist the cruel opportunity to take advantage of our inability to appropriately defend ourselves in social situations, perhaps even to elevate their own social status in the eyes of their peers.

I found Simone’s book reassuring, in that she not only writes about her own experience, but also presents the comments and experiences of other ‘Aspergirls’.

She covers a wide range of topics, from dating, sex and relationships, including ending those relationships (burning bridges), along with bullying at school, managing employment situations, stimming behaviours and sensory overload. Each chapter contains personal anecdotes, research and information, and ends with advice to Aspergirls and their parents.

Aspergirls is not only informative, it is a book that will make any girl on the autism spectrum feel at home in its pages, which will help parents, siblings and significant others to perhaps see the world from our point of view.

Tagged ASD, autism, Autism Spectrum, autism-spectrum-disorder, Girls on the autism spectrum, mental-health, Rudy Simone's book: Aspergirls, Teens on the Autism spectrum

Feb 01 2022

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Adult Aspies and Social situations, An Asperger Point of View, Asperger's research, writing on the Spectrum

Viewing Asperger’s through a Different Window.

John Elder Robison, who has Asperger’s, writes prolifically on Autism. He volunteered to undergo an experimental treatment which involved being subjected to magnetic stimulation of targeted areas of his brain.

There have been extensive studies on Asperger’s by neurophysiologists during the past 30 – 40 years. During the past 15 – 20 years, the emphasis has been upon the difference in utilization of the Cerebral cortex and the Amygdala aspect of the Cerebellum between neurotypicals and those on the Autism Spectrum.

These studies reveal how information with an emotional content, especially when personally conveyed, is largely processed in the Cerebral cortex by those with Asperger’s rather than in the Amygdala where it is processed by neurotypicals.

The result is those of us on the autism spectrum process information with emotional content logically, rather than emotionally.

However, the richer the contextual content associated with the information, the greater the ability of Aspies to ‘understand’, even if they cannot ‘directly experience’ the emotion being expressed.

In the experimental treatment in which Robison participated, he didn’t immediately notice any difference.

But the next day, when he interacted with others, he was unexpectedly overwhelmed by an almost ‘psychic’ awareness of their emotions.

He was assailed by emotions of “jealousy, fear, anger and every bad thing I could imagine” (Neale). It was an unexpected torrent of emotions which he experienced as shocking and distressing.

This situation, one of being admitted to an emotional landscape which is usually unavailable, puts me in mind of Virginia Woolf’s comment in A Room of One’s Own about patriarchal rules in Oxbridge. At the library, she was refused entrance because of being a woman.

In social situations, as a person with autism syndrome, I feel as Woolf did “…how unpleasant it is to be locked out;” (18).

But when I am composing a poem like Exonerating Eve which expresses such a divergent but powerful viewpoint, then, like Woolf, I cannot help but ponder the alternative, as she did when she added, “… and I thought how it is worse perhaps to be locked in;” (18).

Aspies, such as myself, come to realize early in our lives that we are somehow ‘locked out’. We learn to accept this and to make social inroads where we may.

But Robison’s experience indicates that our lack of social/emotional understanding is a ‘locking out’ that is at least in some respects beneficial, allowing us to experience the world in a way that, while ingenuous, is also unique and insightful.

And thus I present my poem:

EXONERATING EVE

I know why Eve ate the apple

Picked and tasted forbidden fruit.

Locked in her Eden she hungered for more,

wanted proof that her life would not always be
just wandering the garden, a helpmate to Adam,

a servant to God.

In her heart she yearned for more than the beauty,

More than the silence. More than obedience.

Something within called her to challenge

the ‘perfection’ of a life established by God.

Accepted by Man.

Did The Creator witness her anguish? Did He
inspire her desire for more?

Gifting free will to all of humanity,

did He await our wakening thrill?

Did He seek a braver companion than one who
obeyed without question or zeal?

Was He astounded when it was the woman,

The feminine one who plucked and then peeled

The Fruit that triggered a flood of passion
and reason, Wherein she
shrugged off obedience and now saw
her truth?

Newly aware, she sees in her nudity

All that is vulnerable and desirable to men.

Looking out at the garden she sees the reality,

thorns and thistles suddenly visible.

And within her, awareness of a strong inner spirit,

God-given,
to prepare her for the journey that she now begins.

Eve ate the fruit to be free from the fallacy

That her life was perfect.

She dared to be more than that helpmate.

More than that servant.

To live in a garden that was an Eden no more.

A garden that now she perceives as a jungle.

A garden that asks her spirit to grow.

A garden with pathways to be forged

and then trodden.

A life posing questions, needing answers,

Revealing wonders, unveiling horrors. A life to be
probed. A will to be tested.

Searching for truth, for reason and passion,

She reaches up, plucks The Fruit from the tree.

And in that critical, wonderful moment,

Plunges mankind into uncertainty, Drawing us
all out of complacency.

Here in the midst of this pandemic, I understand
a woman like Eve.

As I sit and reflect on the life I’ve created,

I challenge myself to find more of me.

To ask the hard questions, to reach for the truth.

To find in myself the courage to ask

the questions that, unanswered leave me unproved.

To reach for the core, the richness of life. Face my own
fears, grapple with and tame them.

While I have time. While I am here, locked in this life Some would
call Paradise.

Yes. I have come to know why Eve ate that apple.

4:53 AM

Tagged asperger traits, Asperger's communication problems

Margaret Jean

Asperger Me!

Category Archives: writing on the Spectrum

Understanding Autism: A Response to Kennedy’s Claims

Growing up with my Children: an autist’s perspective on parenting

A Work In Progress

United We Stand, Divided We….

Helping Neurodivergent Children Have Success in the Classroom.

Positive aspects of non-neurotypical thinking

Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

Asperger Me!

Category Archives: writing on the Spectrum

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