Margaret Jean
Asperger Me!
Category Archives: writing on the Spectrum
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone
An Empowering Read for Women on the Autism Spectrum
I appreciate Rudy Simone’s acknowledgement that sometimes our social behaviours result in “botched interactions” causing feelings of guilt and self-blame. We on the spectrum have all had those experiences!
I learned that I was on the spectrum when my grandson was diagnosed. My daughter phoned me, very excited, and added, “And Mom, you and I also have all the symptoms!”
It was a joyful and terrifying moment. Joyful because suddenly there was an explanation for my horrific record of social blunders. Terrifying because it meant that I had been stumbling blindly through school, marriages and child-rearing without the benefit of this knowledge.
The awareness gave me the gift of compassion for myself. As Simone says in Aspergirls, diagnosis comes with a sensation of relief.
I would like to say that I stopped feeling inadequate in that moment, but like the women in Simone’s book, and as anyone on the spectrum knows, that fear of being found lacking in social situations does not suddenly vanish.
Still, I’ve found that sense of insecurity can sometimes be useful. Feeling uncertain can make me hesitant at times, a caution which allows me to reassess a situation and perhaps even quickly think through and revise my initial instinctive response.
Simone notes that not being diagnosed invites all kinds of speculation, including unflattering and insulting conclusions about what our ‘problem’ is.
People will often assume that our lack of social propriety is intentional. Or, seeing that we are vulnerable, some folks can’t resist the cruel opportunity to take advantage of our inability to appropriately defend ourselves in social situations, perhaps even to elevate their own social status in the eyes of their peers.
I found Simone’s book reassuring, in that she not only writes about her own experience, but also presents the comments and experiences of other ‘Aspergirls’.
She covers a wide range of topics, from dating, sex and relationships, including ending those relationships (burning bridges), along with bullying at school, managing employment situations, stimming behaviours and sensory overload. Each chapter contains personal anecdotes, research and information, and ends with advice to Aspergirls and their parents.
Aspergirls is not only informative, it is a book that will make any girl on the autism spectrum feel at home in its pages, which will help parents, siblings and significant others to perhaps see the world from our point of view.
Writing on the Spectrum
Have you ever been bullied at school? Teased in an unkind way?
Perhaps you tried to join in a conversation and the little knob of people you were addressing just kind of broke up and walked away. What does a person do with that?
For me, it became a memoir, a Kindle book called Unforgiving, Memoir of an Asperger’s Teen.
I wrote about the incongruous juxtaposition of events in my teenaged life: the unpleasantness of being targeted by a child molester, dealing with an Asperger’s personality when no-one knew what that was, and getting the lead role in a National Film Board film. Circumstances which in combination, isolated me from my family and my peers.
My intention in writing this book was to illustrate how a series of events in a young teen’s life can create an overwhelming and pervasive sense of isolation from family and community.
Another Aspie, Tom Angleberger, has written an article on how Asperger’s powers his writing. Angleberger is the author of a series of young adult books who uses unpleasant incidents from his school days as fodder for his plots. Angleberger has published many books in which his knowledge of Star Wars along with embarrassing moments in his childhood create humorous adventures for his characters, always with positive conclusions.
Some of his titles include Darth Paper Strikes Back and Emperor Pickeltine Rides the Bus. He combined his fascination with origami along with his love of writing to produce R2-D2’s Guide to Folding. He currently has 52 books in print and nearly two hundred thousand reviews on Goodreads!
As for being autistic, Angleberger says the constant flow of words from his brain to his pen have helped him have a career he loves.
You can read more about this author at: https://origamiyoda.com/ or find his books on Amazon, or in bookstores.
That other autists like Kelly Brenner[i], a Seattle based naturalist who writes about urban nature, can become successful authors is not just a recent occurrence. A behavioral analysis site declares that historically, authors such as Emily Dickinson, Hans Christian Anderson and Lewis Carroll are thought to have been on the spectrum[ii].
Interestingly, an American university research project published in July of 2020 indicated that autistic students out-performed their classmates in essay and project writing[iii]. The main issue for students with autism, the study findings suggest, is overcoming perfectionism.
Shauna Marie Henry[iv] writes to expose ‘the elephant in the room’. She says having an Asperger’s viewpoint gives her stories a unique look at social conventions.
For many of us, being an Aspie doesn’t smooth the pathway to a seamlessly successful social life. At least not in our early lives. But certain aspects of our condition, including our unique perceptions, our different ways of processing information, and our ability to find humour in the most socially disastrous circumstances, or even just to survive them, can be seen as positive attributes.
For some, even fodder for a career we love.
[i] https://www.theopennotebook.com/2018/10/09/writing-when-on-the-autism-spectrum/
[ii] https://www.appliedbehavioranalysisprograms.com/
[iii] Comparing the writing skills of autistic and nonautistic university students: A collaboration with autistic university students Kristen Gillespie-Lynch, Emily Hotez, Matthew Zajic
[iv] https://writingcooperative.com/learning-to-write-with-aspergers-b1e0fe61b619
Young Adult & Adult Aspies: Who Is In Charge of Your Life?
Who will navigate us successfully through life to success? To achieve the goals we set for ourselves?
Dr. Phil as he is commonly known, says it has to be us. Nobody else. And he has developed a set of what he calls “Life Laws” which he has used to help many of his clients find their way out of seemingly hopeless situations.
In his book, Life Strategies: Doing What Works, Doing What Matters, Dr. Phillip McGraw stresses that what is vital is “…understanding and controlling the cause-and-effect relationships of life; in other words, using your knowledge to make things happen the way you want them to.”
That we are responsible for learning the social strategies that will get us where we want to go, is probably, as Aspies, the last thing we want to hear.
But whether or not you are familiar with Dr. Phil’s non-nonsense TV Show style of therapy, I…
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Flat Affect: The Flip Side
What if our Flat Affect has a ‘flip side’?
What if Flat Affect could even be a selective, evolutionary advantage?
Are Aspies perhaps actually more appropriately aligned to deal with the great variety of societal conflicts currently confronting the world?
I have been researching prosody[i] or the inflections, physical[ii] and vocal, that make up our conversations. Numerous studies[iii] indicate that not all peoples interpret conversational inflections in the same way.
For instance, as a young man working in South America, my friend, Richard, realized that in some Chilean, Peruvian and Bolivian subcultures, it was not wise to show his teeth when smiling. He found the baring of teeth could sometimes be mistaken for an aggressive attitude.
Research by psychologist Carlos Crivelli and anthropologist Sergio Jarillo (see references below) indicates that primitive societies often do not read facial expressions in the same way as European/North American cultures. In fact, they found some of our ‘obvious’ expressions baffling.
Is the increased ‘mingling’ of previously geographically separate cultures, each of which has established its own distinctive non-verbal communication, less of a problem for us Aspies with our Flat Affect?
Does inscrutability lead to less misunderstanding of the distinctive facial ‘cues’ which neural typicals are confidently projecting?
Here’s a radical thought! What if our Flat Affect has advantages which outweigh its well–known disadvantages?
What if our lack of facial expression is not necessarily a negative quality? Could it instead be a genetic variation which facilitates our participation in a global society?
We live in an increasingly internationally diverse culture. Different facial expressions can send conflicting and sometimes even threatening messages, depending on the culture in which we find ourselves. Under those circumstances, wouldn’t Flat Affect be a good thing?
And consider this: so much of our current communication takes place on the internet where little or no facial expression is involved—emails, chat rooms, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram. Are Aspies then the children of a world society where conversation is solely based on the verbal rather than on time-honored inflected conversation?
In a shrinking world where uniquely defined cultures more often ‘bump up’ against each other perhaps we are the best prepared to diffuse possible misunderstandings, rather than further igniting them!
[i] https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/social-communication-autism-explained
[ii] Facial Action Coding studies by Jennifer Fugate as reported in Malcolm Gladwell’s book Talking to Strangers pages 147 to 152.
[iii] Sergio Jarillo & Carlos Crivelli as commented upon in Gladwell’s Talking to Strangers pg.154 to 159 and abstract from:
Challenges: Help For Aspie Anxiety
When your teacher or professor assigns homework, when your parents or your roommate ask you to clean up your room, or to look after some household chores—what’s up with that?
Perhaps your roomates want you to take responsibility for two meals a week. Or maybe you’ve made a commitment to yourself to exercise three times a week or walk six blocks a day.
How can challenges that seem worrying actually help reduce anxiety?
Anxiety is a huge issue for many of us with Asperger’s. There is no point in asking why we often see six thousand compounding facets in every single little incident in our lives, or why simple chores like washing the car or cleaning our rooms can morph into multi-day events.
The question is, why would we challenge ourselves with any of these responsibilities at all?
The answer is simple. By making demands of ourselves, and by disciplining ourselves to attempt to meet those demands, we give ourselves room and encouragement to grow.
By repeatedly doing simple manageable tasks we develop routines and a self-confidence which can serve us well when we encounter more complex issues.
When we attempt to accommodate another’s reasonable demands, we acquire and continually enhance the skill of determining exactly what is required of us.
And we practice discerning how best to initiate the task in the most efficient way so as to successfully complete it with the least stress … and perhaps even a certain degree of pleasure!
This translates into the essential life-skills of listening, comprehending, asking questions about the process when necessary, and successfully completing the task.
We are rewarded with the personal satisfaction which comes with the completion of any worthwhile accomplishment!
And the more that is asked of you, either by others or by yourself, the greater you will feel challenged.
But, the greater the challenge successfully met, the greater the personal satisfaction.
Challenges are not only necessary for our personal and professional growth, they are a fast-track to ensuring our lives remain interesting and fulfilling.
Margaret Jean 