Many parents feel disconnected from their Asperger’s/Autism spectrum child. What do Dad’s often see as the ultimate shared male pasttime? Why, sports of course.
Margaret Jean
Asperger Me!
Author Archives: Margaret Jean
Steps To Socializing Your Aspie Teen.
As you can see from my last post, the issue of socializing is huge for Aspies. This is especially true in the late pre-teen and early teen years.
Arranging a social event with a friend isn’t always the answer if the child with Asperger’s has trouble communicating in a meaningful way. Just getting them together with a “neurotypical” teen in a social setting isn’t going to help. In fact, it can be disastrous.
Anna Matchneva from Burnaby BC works one on one with Asperger’s children, and this is what she suggested in a talk to parents last year.
First, limit the time for interaction to ‘safe’ time, that is time when the conversation will most likely be of mutual interest.
How do you do that?
Anna finds getting your teen Aspie to invite a friend for pizza and a movie is ideal.
First on the agenda is going to the movie. When they are driving to the movie, they can talk about what movie they want to see and all the things they have heard about the movie.
Other topics may come up, but the drive to the theatre should not be too long, and the parent driving them can always intervene a little if necessary.
Next, at the movie, the parent drops them off. The talk will be about arrangements to be picked up, how to buy the tickets and what snacks they want. This is very safe also.
Once in the theater, everything should be good. Although in my experience? The Aspie child may have to be warned to be quiet and not comment during the movie, but save all their comments for afterward.
The time from the end of the movie to pick up should be minimal, to ensure that the conversational requirements don’t tax the Aspie child.
Then to the pizza parlour. Again, conversation will center around the children’s preferences, and the movie action and how the children rate the movie.
After pizza, time for the guest to be dropped off at his/her home.
This kind of managed social time gives Aspie’s a sense of confidence which should ease both the child’s and the parent’s anxieties over social situations.
Let me know how it works if you try it, please!
Yours truly,
Margaret Jean.
What Is Asperger’s Anyway?
This weekend so many people asked me, What is Asperger’s? How can I tell if my son has it?
My book, “Unforgiving, Memoir of an Asperger Teen” took a 1st place Journey award, and prompted a lot of questions about the syndrome.
People with Asperger’s find it difficult to read body language, voice intonation, and facial expression. This creates difficulty communicating and interacting with other people.
Asperger’s doesn’t always affect individuals to the same degree, or in exactly the same manner, which is why it is said to be on the “autism spectrum”. That is, it is a highly functional and variable condition that alters how we relate to others, understand our community, and express ourselves.
Sometimes we feel hopelessly lost in a conversation. We cannot always determine what is sincere and what is merely light-hearted social bantering. Sometimes this is so isolating that we withdraw. We do not understand what is being said or in what context and therefore we pretend to be disinterested.
This makes us very bad at small talk, which is society’s established method of feeling each other out before going into deeper conversations. Small talk is a protective device that helps people locate each other in their social setting and their community, whether it’s school or work or something recreational.
People with Asperger’s tend to want to talk at a deeper level. They have trouble understanding this is not appropriate much of the time.
We may not be able to tell when to join or start a conversation, or when the conversation is over. We may talk over the other person and generally interrupt at lot. A great website to look at for assistance is the UK’s National Autistic Society website at: http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autism/autism-and-asperger-syndrome-an-introduction/what-is-asperger-syndrome.aspx.
Free The Children: Kielburger’s Clarity and Commitment Builds A Powerful Organization.
After reading Free The Children by Craig Kielburger, I realized how clear the then 12 year old Kielburger’s vision was, and how maintaining that clarity made helping people really very simple.
- Kielburger’s goal? To continue the work of a freed child-labourer who had been assassinated.
- His mandate? For children to work together to right injustices perpetrated against impoverished children without adults being in charge or interfering.
In pursuit of that vision, he enlisted the help of his schoolmates. They encouraged each other in the assumption that this was possible.
- Education: Kielburger and his team educated themselves, learning all they could about the topic.
And when confronted by people who saw the situation from a more sophisticated perspective they admitted only a temporary defeat. They researched & studied until they were able to return and respond appropriately. This later served Kielburger well in dealing with governmental agencies and other administrative bodies.
- Action: He travelled the world so that he could report the situation accurately from his own knowledge. In his travels he interviewed many of the child labourers, often surprised by their perspectives.
- Respect: He showed respect, even for his opponents, for the impoverished children, government officials and charitable organization administrators. Thus he won the respect of all.
Free the Children is responsible for building more than 650 schools providing daily education 55,000 children.
Need Help In BC? ACT: A Resource for Aspies, Parents & Friends.
Where do parents turn when they realize their child needs a diagnosis? How do they know who offers this type of service?
What programs and supports does the BC school system offer children on the Autism spectrum? How are these programs accessed?
How do you make sure your child is getting all the support the government says he/she is entitled to?
Is there a registry of autism service providers? Is there an information database listing online resources?
In British Columbia, Canada, the answer to all of the above can be found in ACT: the Autism Community Training website at http://www.actcommunity.net/.
I only discovered the website this week, but find that it a huge resource for people struggling to find resources for children in the Autism spectrum.
News, blogs, videos and educational material relating to the autism spectrum are all included. While the website is geared to assisting parents with children in the spectrum, there are informative segments relating to adults as well.
A wide range of service providers are listed; really, the list is staggering in its comprehension.
If you live in BC and you are looking for an autism related resource, I strongly suggest you try this website. Let me know what you think of the resources listed there, and if the phone and email responses live up to your expectations.
I look forward to hearing from you!
Yours truly,
Margaret Jean.
Aspie Teens–The Future Can Be Bright.
As the New Year approaches, I want to tell others out there, especially those teens with Aspergers, that life does get better.
I want you to know that although we aren’t born with the ability to learn about initiating and maintaining social relationships by observing others, it is something we can and usually do learn as we mature.
I want you to know that people do fall in love with us and stay in love, and that there are nurturing relationships ahead.
If you are an Aspie teenager, all of this may seem impossible right now, but I promise you, these things do lie ahead. Even for you.
I know. I am living proof.
Love you all, and pray that you have a meaningful and sociable New Year.
Yours truly,
Margaret Jean.
How to Prevent a Massacre? Somebody Needs to Figure It Out.
Twenty-seven people dead today, mostly children. It is impossible to comprehend the horror of your small child being shot down like an animation in a video game.
Some news sources are suggesting the shooter was developmentally disabled. (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2248197/Sandy-Hook-elementary-shooting-29-dead-including-22-children-Connecticut-school.html)
Gun control advocate wearing badge against gun violence outside the White House. AP Photo.
How does this kind of rampage become possible??? Here are some thoughts on that:
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Being able buy a gun, ammunition and liquor at the same checkout.
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Playing video games 4 to 16 hours a day that feature human targets as scoring incentives.
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Undiagnosed/untreated learning and/or emotional disabilities.
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Lack of meaningful involvement in both household and community routine.
Or perhaps it was none of the above.
Maybe it was just the comprehension of life as another ‘game’ and the perpetrator was just looking to place as high scorer.
Interesting how these shooters include suicide in the plan. I say ‘plan’ because what they do takes time and preparation: acquiring weaponry, ammunition. Choosing a day, time and place, along with point of entry. Not to mention psyching oneself up for the event.
Are there no warning signs? No behavioural clues?
Can’t anyone tell us what to look for?
Who should have known this was about to happen? Were his parents aware of his weapons cache? Did people know this man was a ticking time bomb?
Is it really true that nothing can be done until somebody gets hurt??
Margaret Jean 