Adult Aspies and Social situations, Aspies Socialization, behaviours, UNFORGIVING

Two Big Reasons Aspies Need To Learn Small Talk

Why perfect the art of small talk? The ability to to communicate socially on what may seem to Aspies to be the art of meaningless chit chat?

Two reasons:

First, for your physical health. That’s right! Dr. Dean Ornish cardiologist and author of Reversing Heart Disease says this:

“being able to initiate and maintain relationships is integral to heart health.”

He goes on to explain: “being able to interact meaningfully in a reciprocal relationship with another human being relieves stress and the feelings of loneliness and isolation.”

Isolated? In my book, Unforgiving, Memoir of an Asperger Teen, I show how I felt that way a lot, and how damaging it was to me socially to be unable to connect with my peer group as well as my parents and elders. As Aspies, I’m sure we all know what those feelings are like.

And the second reason to learn small talk? Because it’s the key that opens the door to successful social relationships. It seems meaningless, but on the contrary: it’s important!

Small talk is the way people conversationally explore their comfort zone with the other person.

It’s where you and the other person communicate briefly about the world you both live in before deciding if it’s desirable or even safe to go into further fields of conversation.

Initially? Keep it small, keep it light, and get connected. Ultimately, small talk is good for the heart and good for your mental and emotional health.

Yours truly,

Margaret Jean.

Tagged Asperger's, Asperger's communication problems, Aspie Teens & friends, social skills

Sep 06 2014

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Aspies Socialization, Autism Spectrum

Grandin: Understanding Individual Brain Differences Can Help Control Behaviours

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFP7ubENTAM

You really get Temple Grandin’s enthusiasm when she talks about brain differences. Just knowing how your brain is unusual can help people with autism better understand and control their behaviours and emotions, Grandin says in her latest book, The Autistic Brain.

She gives the example of her own brain. For instance, the amygdala is the part of the brain that processes emotions like fear. Just so happens, Grandin’s amygdala is enlarged. Since this is the part of the brain that signals the fear emotion, Grandin credits this brain anomaly with her hyper anxiety.

Because she now knows that her brain construction is probably responsible for her high levels of anxiety, she finds that anxiety easier to deal with.

Grandin gives the example of students talking under her bedroom window at night. This creates anxiety for her regardless of whether they are talking softly or loudly.

Knowing that this state of anxiety is not caused by any real threat, she can reassure herself that the problem is not outside; the problem lies within her brain.

She can then deal with the fact that threat is not real. What is real? How she feels about it. And that she can deal with.

Tagged asperger traits, Asperger's, autism, autism and the brain., Temple Grandin

Aug 24 2014

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Aspies in the Workplace., Aspies Socialization, Aspies volunteering, Autism Spectrum

Which is more limiting? The Autism Label? Or Our Parenting?

Temple Grandin, whom I greatly admire, refers to parenting as a “major source of therapeutic momentum”. But she adds, when children are diagnosed on the autism spectrum, parents may not have enough expectations for their children.

They bring the child through school to graduation, but in the meantime, they have not given the child the kind of experience that teaches them life skills, leaving the graduate either unemployed or under-employed.

Autistic children need to learn how to work, Grandin asserts. They need to learn basic coping skills, like how to shop, how to order food in a restaurant. Showing up on time, being responsible for a task outcome, these are skills that are needed in order to learn how to be on the job.

That’s why I personally feel that involving kids on the autism spectrum in some kind of volunteer activity, where they must show up regularly, and perform expected tasks, is invaluable to today’s kids, autistic or not.

As a volunteer, they must learn to be courteous (a missing factor in today’s world, Grandin laments) and to be reliable, to learn certain work routines and to cope with organizational structures.

As a volunteer, they will also meet retired people who have similar interests and who can mentor them.

The best part? The child can choose the type of organization he/she wishes to volunteer with and select from a schedule of available days and times those which would be most suitable for them.

These kinds of situations force spectrum kids to interact with others, and Grandin says to insist on social interaction for your child is not only desirable, but necessary if you want him to succeed.

“The skills that people with autism bring to the table should be nurtured, for their benefit and for society’s.” That’s why Grandin believes parents must help their children get out into the work world, learn coping skills and the basics of social etiquette.

As parents, we either help, or hinder. While we cannot help how children are viewed by others, our most important work is in how we encourage our children to see themselves.

Quotes from: http://www.templegrandin.com/

Tagged Asperger's, autism, Eustacia Cutler, social skills, Temple Grandin

Aug 19 2014

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Aspies Socialization, Autism Spectrum, behaviours

Autism Spectrum Children Over-Protected: Temple Grandin

The main thrust of personalities on the autism spectrum is social awkwardness, Temple Grandin, an autistic scientist, best-selling author and public speaker maintains. Her most recent book, “The Autistic Brain” is the topic of her speech available at www.chicagohumanities.org.

“It’s like our brains have been programmed with all the social circuitry left out.” Grandin says. “Who do you think invented the spear?” She asks. Certainly not those social types sitting chatting around the fire!

But Grandin is concerned that children today are allowed to become recluses in their bedrooms or the basement. They are over-protected, she asserts, and as a result, they become adults on welfare sitting home playing video games.

Because kids on the autism spectrum are socially awkward, Parents may tend to protect them from social situations, allowing the children to avoid all participation. The problem as Grandin sees it is that as parents, we are not pushing our autistic children hard enough. Listening, I can hear that Grandin is looking back at tasks she was made to do as a child which she dreaded at the time. Now, however, she sees the value in her mother’s determination.

For instance Grandin’s mother forced Temple to play hostess at her cocktail parties, to take on family tasks and to visit relatives independently each year. Nowadays, these daily routines are missing. Grandin mourns the loss of paper routes which taught children how to work, and chores which taught children basic skills like cooking and sewing. Grandin also regrets the loss in some schools woodwork and metalwork classes. These lessons taught not only basic skills, but also practical problem solving and resourcefulness.

The solution? Autistic children need their boundaries pushed. Her message is that children need mentors and to have that, they must socialize. Common interests are the threads that bind autistic people with others socially. Her suggestion? Retired people who work with the skill-sets that interest your autistic child are the kind of people who could be good mentors for your child.

Her talk is interesting and thought-provoking. For anyone with autism spectrum issues in the family, it is well worth the hour spent listening. Her video is available at: http://chicagohumanities.org/events/2013/animal/temple-grandin?gclid=CjwKEAjw68ufBRDt0Zmrn4W_8AwSJADcjp1c8n1Utyy3mnJeYdd940H2AEKV1F2Imhly0MZsHZr5SxoChdfw_wcB

A shorter version can be found on You Tube at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWePrOuSeSY.

Tagged asperger traits, Asperger's, Temple Grandin

Jul 20 2014

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Aspies Socialization, behaviours

Asperger Traits: The Real Life Effects.

The traits I want to illustrate today are twofold: the way we give what people say a more literal interpretation than what others do, and two? The fact that we do not naturally learn correct social behaviour from observing others.

My parents knew they had a problem child in me. Their solutions for me were rote. Whenever I’d set on a course they deemed foolish, like when I wanted to shave my legs or tint my hair, because the other girls were doing it, my parents had a standard response:

I suppose if all the other girls jumped off a cliff, you would, too?

Of course I wouldn’t, I’d reply, stung by the stupidity of the suggestion.

I took this saying quite literally to mean that I was not supposed to copy the behaviour of my peers.

I took it to mean that individuality was an important factor in people’s assessment of each other.

Which made sense when you thought about because it also ensured the preservation of the species. I mean, who knows what would happen to the population if herds of stupid teenage girls were always plunging off cliffs.

Not that I thought they were, but sadly I never paused to reflect that actually herds of teenagers, male or female, running lemming-like toward the ultimate plunge was an idiomatic warning meant to be directed at particularly dangerous behaviours. I think partly what confused me was that what I wanted to do was more normal than dangerous.

I didn’t realize back then, as I do now, that the only real danger in tinting my hair or shaving my legs was the fact that it would cost the parents money which they couldn’t afford.

Not to mention the fear that no-one knew what colour Margaret Jean’s hair would end up. In an era when strawberry blonde was a shocker, this was a real concern.

It wasn’t until I was very much older that I learned to watch how others responded to each other and the community at large. And copy their behaviours. Not their words, necessarily, but their timing and attentiveness. And so far? I haven’t found myself heading toward any cliffs.

Yours truly,

Margaret Jean.

Tagged asperger traits, Asperger's, Asperger's communication problems, social skills

Jun 05 2014

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Aspies in the Workplace., Aspies volunteering, Autism Spectrum, writing on the Spectrum

Ten Benefits of Volunteer Service From An Aspie’s Point of View.

Volunteer Services are a great way to prepare for work in the real world. Volunteering can be a sort of head start program for Aspies. Here’s why:

1. It gets you out of the house and interacting with people in a positive way that benefits you and your community.

2. It’s a non-threatening way of finding out what kind of work you like, what kind of hours you can handle, and how long you can stand to be part of a work place interaction.

3. If you don’t like it, you can quit. You will still give notice so that someone can cover your shifts, but if you find the co-workers snarky, or the clientele is too much for you to handle, well, no harm done.

4. You will learn to schedule your responsibilities. You have to make a commitment. You have to show up when you say you will. You have to be good at what you say you are good at. You have to know that you can get there (public transit, walking or bicycling) on your own.

5. You will learn to be reliable and punctual. You will get good references if you do,.

6. You will learn to work with other people of varying ages, professions and education levels. You will become part of a team. You will learn how to interact with them in a non-abrasive way.

7. You will learn to understand heirarchy–how people rank in an organization, and how they fit together.

8. You will learn to follow orders–to listen carefully, to ask questions if you don’t understand or are not sure of what is being asked of you, and to find out what special tools or equipment is to be used in the carrying out of these orders.

9. You will develop different skills, to varying degrees of competence. These skills do count on a resume.

10. You will experience limited rejection–most organizations are more than happy to greet new volunteers.

Tagged ADHD, asperger, Asperger's, asperger's and imagination

May 28 2014

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Aspies in the Workplace.

Aspies Ask “Why Volunteer?”

In his teens, my grandson asked me why I wanted him to find a volunteer position. He thought it a very odd request.

I couldn’t really explain my thinking at the time, but now, twenty-two years old, he told me he wishes he had taken my advice. You see, he is desperately trying to come up with five professional references who are familiar with his work habits. Like most Aspies, his work history is a little sketchy. And being largely anti-social, he didn’t join many clubs or participate in any sports. So there is a dearth of references.

Volunteering could have provided him with references from people who could vouch for his work habits, his reliability and his ability to get along with a team of co-workers. And at the same time, he would be contributing to his community in a meaningful way.

My grandson suffered one solid year of rejection. Every single day he would dress up, take several copies of his resume and go out to various malls and shops and apply for work. For one solid year, no one hired him. It was very depressing.

But, stop and think about it–volunteer workers are always in demand. The likelihood of being rejected is far less than if you were applying for a paying job.

And you can choose the kind of work you will do, the type of organization you would like to work in, and you are far more likely to be able to set your hours than you would be in a paying job.

If you like animals, you can volunteer at SPCA, or a wildlife refuge, or even the zoo or aquarium. If you like libraries and books and videos, you can volunteer at your local library. If you think you might like teaching, you can volunteer in a literacy program. If you like art, try your public art gallery. There are volunteers in some airports, in thrift shops, in hospitals, in parks, in soup kitchens, and in your local church.

There are many different ways and places you can volunteer. The important thing is to find the situation that best suits you, both with regard to location, scheduling and type of work required.

For Aspies, this type of situation is perfect. You will do your best,and may make new social connections, learn new skills, and collect good references for when you go job hunting, or need to fill out your passport application.

At the same time, if the circumstances don’t suit, or someone makes your shift unbearable? You can try a few different coping strategies before bowing out gracefully with no ill effects.

Help your community! Build relationships! Learn workplace skills! Accumulate references! All good reasons for Aspies to take Volunteering very seriously.

Yours truly,

Margaret Jean.

Tagged Asperger's, Aspies and references, Aspies volunteering, social skills

May 14 2014

3 Comments

Autism Spectrum, behaviours, UNFORGIVING

What Do Aspies Need From Their Parents? Stephen Shore’s Success Story

In my book, Unforgiving, Memoir of an Asperger Teen, I often express the feeling of being disconnected from the rest of my family and my peers.

In the 1960’s, there was no diagnosis for Asperger’s. My parents couldn’t figure out what was “wrong” with me. In their eyes, much of my behaviour was inappropriate. I resoponded differently to social situations and learning environments than my siblings. This sense of being “wrong” while all too common for people with Asperger’s, does not have to be.

In the introductory interview, Stephen Shore describes “the most important thing about my parents”, which is that they accepted him for who he was, and yet at the same time realized that he would face a number of challenges in his journey toward a normal life.

Many of us do not have parents who have this understanding. Some of us have parents who are not educated enough or financially positioned to offer us the kind of interventions and therapies that Stephen Shore enjoyed. Some parents are just too drained, emotionally and physically to offer us the support we need.

So we must learn to love and accept ourselves. Understand this–we can make friends, be comfortable with some people, sincerely listen, pleasantly respond.

And parents please understand, whatever else you do, accepting your child for who they are is the first step on the road to your child’s integration into society.

Yours truly,

Margaret Jean.

Tagged asperger traits, Asperger's, autism spectrum resources, social skills

Apr 23 2014

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behaviours

Susan Boyle: Asperger’s Meets Opportunity

When Susan Boyle stepped onto that stage in England, she did not look at all like anyone’s idea of a singing star.

In fact, the audience looked askance at her. Simon Cowell rolled his eyes as Susan rocked Aspegerishly on the stage.

But this did not deter her. She had been refining her art for years and was confident in her ability.

When she started to sing, the audience gasped in amazement. Before she finished the first verse, they were on their feet.

“Simple Susan, mad, odd, bizarre.” Susan recalls being rudely labelled.

“But you see,” she goes on to say, “I’m not mad or simple or any of the other names that I have been called over the years.

I have Asperger’s and it doesn’t define me, it gives a greater understanding of who I am.”

How prepared are you to meet an amazing opportunity? Are you sitting home feeling sorry for yourself? Or are you working at your gift? Seeking out your interests, learning more, working harder at being the best you can be? We all have our down times. But we can rise up, we can find our feet again, and our faith in ourselves and in our talents.

To read more about Susan Boyle, go to: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/04/09/exclusive-read-susan-boyle-s-essay-on-her-secret-struggle-with-asperger-s.html

Yours truly,

Margaret Jean.

Tagged Asperger's, Asperger's and labelling, Susan Boyle and Asperger's

Margaret Jean

Asperger Me!

Tag Archives: Asperger’s

Grandin: Understanding Individual Brain Differences Can Help Control Behaviours

You really get Temple Grandin’s enthusiasm when she talks about brain differences. Just knowing how your brain is unusual can help people with autism better understand and control their behaviours and emotions, Grandin says in her latest book, The Autistic Brain.

Because she now knows that her brain construction is probably responsible for her high levels of anxiety, she finds that anxiety easier to deal with.

Grandin gives the example of students talking under her bedroom window at night. This creates anxiety for her regardless of whether they are talking softly or loudly.

Knowing that this state of anxiety is not caused by any real threat, she can reassure herself that the problem is not outside; the problem lies within her brain.

She can then deal with the fact that threat is not real. What is real? How she feels about it. And that she can deal with.

Autism Spectrum Children Over-Protected: Temple Grandin

The main thrust of personalities on the autism spectrum is social awkwardness, Temple Grandin, an autistic scientist, best-selling author and public speaker maintains. Her most recent book, “The Autistic Brain” is the topic of her speech available at www.chicagohumanities.org.

“It’s like our brains have been programmed with all the social circuitry left out.” Grandin says. “Who do you think invented the spear?” She asks. Certainly not those social types sitting chatting around the fire!

But Grandin is concerned that children today are allowed to become recluses in their bedrooms or the basement. They are over-protected, she asserts, and as a result, they become adults on welfare sitting home playing video games.

Ten Benefits of Volunteer Service From An Aspie’s Point of View.

Volunteer Services are a great way to prepare for work in the real world. Volunteering can be a sort of head start program for Aspies. Here’s why:

1. It gets you out of the house and interacting with people in a positive way that benefits you and your community.

2. It’s a non-threatening way of finding out what kind of work you like, what kind of hours you can handle, and how long you can stand to be part of a work place interaction.

3. If you don’t like it, you can quit. You will still give notice so that someone can cover your shifts, but if you find the co-workers snarky, or the clientele is too much for you to handle, well, no harm done.

4. You will learn to schedule your responsibilities. You have to make a commitment. You have to show up when you say you will. You have to be good at what you say you are good at. You have to know that you can get there (public transit, walking or bicycling) on your own.

5. You will learn to be reliable and punctual. You will get good references if you do,.

6. You will learn to work with other people of varying ages, professions and education levels. You will become part of a team. You will learn how to interact with them in a non-abrasive way.

7. You will learn to understand heirarchy–how people rank in an organization, and how they fit together.

8. You will learn to follow orders–to listen carefully, to ask questions if you don’t understand or are not sure of what is being asked of you, and to find out what special tools or equipment is to be used in the carrying out of these orders.

9. You will develop different skills, to varying degrees of competence. These skills do count on a resume.

10. You will experience limited rejection–most organizations are more than happy to greet new volunteers.

Susan Boyle: Asperger’s Meets Opportunity

When Susan Boyle stepped onto that stage in England, she did not look at all like anyone’s idea of a singing star.

In fact, the audience looked askance at her. Simon Cowell rolled his eyes as Susan rocked Aspegerishly on the stage.

But this did not deter her. She had been refining her art for years and was confident in her ability.

When she started to sing, the audience gasped in amazement. Before she finished the first verse, they were on their feet.

“Simple Susan, mad, odd, bizarre.” Susan recalls being rudely labelled.

“But you see,” she goes on to say, “I’m not mad or simple or any of the other names that I have been called over the years.

I have Asperger’s and it doesn’t define me, it gives a greater understanding of who I am.”

To read more about Susan Boyle, go to: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/04/09/exclusive-read-susan-boyle-s-essay-on-her-secret-struggle-with-asperger-s.html

Yours truly,

Margaret Jean.

Asperger Me!

Tag Archives: Asperger’s

Why perfect the art of small talk? The ability to to communicate socially on what may seem to Aspies to be the art of meaningless chit chat?

Two reasons:

First, for your physical health. That’s right! Dr. Dean Ornish cardiologist and author of Reversing Heart Disease says this:

“being able to initiate and maintain relationships is integral to heart health.”

He goes on to explain: “being able to interact meaningfully in a reciprocal relationship with another human being relieves stress and the feelings of loneliness and isolation.”

Isolated? In my book, Unforgiving, Memoir of an Asperger Teen, I show how I felt that way a lot, and how damaging it was to me socially to be unable to connect with my peer group as well as my parents and elders. As Aspies, I’m sure we all know what those feelings are like.

And the second reason to learn small talk? Because it’s the key that opens the door to successful social relationships. It seems meaningless, but on the contrary: it’s important!

Small talk is the way people conversationally explore their comfort zone with the other person.

It’s where you and the other person communicate briefly about the world you both live in before deciding if it’s desirable or even safe to go into further fields of conversation.

Initially? Keep it small, keep it light, and get connected. Ultimately, small talk is good for the heart and good for your mental and emotional health.

Yours truly,

Margaret Jean.

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You really get Temple Grandin’s enthusiasm when she talks about brain differences. Just knowing how your brain is unusual can help people with autism better understand and control their behaviours and emotions, Grandin says in her latest book, The Autistic Brain.

Because she now knows that her brain construction is probably responsible for her high levels of anxiety, she finds that anxiety easier to deal with.

Grandin gives the example of students talking under her bedroom window at night. This creates anxiety for her regardless of whether they are talking softly or loudly.

Knowing that this state of anxiety is not caused by any real threat, she can reassure herself that the problem is not outside; the problem lies within her brain.

She can then deal with the fact that threat is not real. What is real? How she feels about it. And that she can deal with.

Share this:

Temple Grandin, whom I greatly admire, refers to parenting as a “major source of therapeutic momentum”. But she adds, when children are diagnosed on the autism spectrum, parents may not have enough expectations for their children.

They bring the child through school to graduation, but in the meantime, they have not given the child the kind of experience that teaches them life skills, leaving the graduate either unemployed or under-employed.

Autistic children need to learn how to work, Grandin asserts. They need to learn basic coping skills, like how to shop, how to order food in a restaurant. Showing up on time, being responsible for a task outcome, these are skills that are needed in order to learn how to be on the job.

That’s why I personally feel that involving kids on the autism spectrum in some kind of volunteer activity, where they must show up regularly, and perform expected tasks, is invaluable to today’s kids, autistic or not.

As a volunteer, they must learn to be courteous (a missing factor in today’s world, Grandin laments) and to be reliable, to learn certain work routines and to cope with organizational structures.

As a volunteer, they will also meet retired people who have similar interests and who can mentor them.

The best part? The child can choose the type of organization he/she wishes to volunteer with and select from a schedule of available days and times those which would be most suitable for them.

These kinds of situations force spectrum kids to interact with others, and Grandin says to insist on social interaction for your child is not only desirable, but necessary if you want him to succeed.

“The skills that people with autism bring to the table should be nurtured, for their benefit and for society’s.” That’s why Grandin believes parents must help their children get out into the work world, learn coping skills and the basics of social etiquette.

As parents, we either help, or hinder. While we cannot help how children are viewed by others, our most important work is in how we encourage our children to see themselves.

Share this:

The main thrust of personalities on the autism spectrum is social awkwardness, Temple Grandin, an autistic scientist, best-selling author and public speaker maintains. Her most recent book, “The Autistic Brain” is the topic of her speech available at www.chicagohumanities.org.

“It’s like our brains have been programmed with all the social circuitry left out.” Grandin says. “Who do you think invented the spear?” She asks. Certainly not those social types sitting chatting around the fire!

But Grandin is concerned that children today are allowed to become recluses in their bedrooms or the basement. They are over-protected, she asserts, and as a result, they become adults on welfare sitting home playing video games.

Share this:

The traits I want to illustrate today are twofold: the way we give what people say a more literal interpretation than what others do, and two? The fact that we do not naturally learn correct social behaviour from observing others.

My parents knew they had a problem child in me. Their solutions for me were rote. Whenever I’d set on a course they deemed foolish, like when I wanted to shave my legs or tint my hair, because the other girls were doing it, my parents had a standard response:

I suppose if all the other girls jumped off a cliff, you would, too?

Of course I wouldn’t, I’d reply, stung by the stupidity of the suggestion.

I took this saying quite literally to mean that I was not supposed to copy the behaviour of my peers.

I took it to mean that individuality was an important factor in people’s assessment of each other.

Which made sense when you thought about because it also ensured the preservation of the species. I mean, who knows what would happen to the population if herds of stupid teenage girls were always plunging off cliffs.

I didn’t realize back then, as I do now, that the only real danger in tinting my hair or shaving my legs was the fact that it would cost the parents money which they couldn’t afford.

Not to mention the fear that no-one knew what colour Margaret Jean’s hair would end up. In an era when strawberry blonde was a shocker, this was a real concern.

It wasn’t until I was very much older that I learned to watch how others responded to each other and the community at large. And copy their behaviours. Not their words, necessarily, but their timing and attentiveness. And so far? I haven’t found myself heading toward any cliffs.

Yours truly,

Margaret Jean.

Share this:

Volunteer Services are a great way to prepare for work in the real world. Volunteering can be a sort of head start program for Aspies. Here’s why:

1. It gets you out of the house and interacting with people in a positive way that benefits you and your community.

2. It’s a non-threatening way of finding out what kind of work you like, what kind of hours you can handle, and how long you can stand to be part of a work place interaction.

3. If you don’t like it, you can quit. You will still give notice so that someone can cover your shifts, but if you find the co-workers snarky, or the clientele is too much for you to handle, well, no harm done.

4. You will learn to schedule your responsibilities. You have to make a commitment. You have to show up when you say you will. You have to be good at what you say you are good at. You have to know that you can get there (public transit, walking or bicycling) on your own.

5. You will learn to be reliable and punctual. You will get good references if you do,.

6. You will learn to work with other people of varying ages, professions and education levels. You will become part of a team. You will learn how to interact with them in a non-abrasive way.

7. You will learn to understand heirarchy–how people rank in an organization, and how they fit together.

8. You will learn to follow orders–to listen carefully, to ask questions if you don’t understand or are not sure of what is being asked of you, and to find out what special tools or equipment is to be used in the carrying out of these orders.

9. You will develop different skills, to varying degrees of competence. These skills do count on a resume.

10. You will experience limited rejection–most organizations are more than happy to greet new volunteers.

Share this:

In his teens, my grandson asked me why I wanted him to find a volunteer position. He thought it a very odd request.

Volunteering could have provided him with references from people who could vouch for his work habits, his reliability and his ability to get along with a team of co-workers. And at the same time, he would be contributing to his community in a meaningful way.

My grandson suffered one solid year of rejection. Every single day he would dress up, take several copies of his resume and go out to various malls and shops and apply for work. For one solid year, no one hired him. It was very depressing.

But, stop and think about it–volunteer workers are always in demand. The likelihood of being rejected is far less than if you were applying for a paying job.

And you can choose the kind of work you will do, the type of organization you would like to work in, and you are far more likely to be able to set your hours than you would be in a paying job.

There are many different ways and places you can volunteer. The important thing is to find the situation that best suits you, both with regard to location, scheduling and type of work required.

For Aspies, this type of situation is perfect. You will do your best,and may make new social connections, learn new skills, and collect good references for when you go job hunting, or need to fill out your passport application.

At the same time, if the circumstances don’t suit, or someone makes your shift unbearable? You can try a few different coping strategies before bowing out gracefully with no ill effects.

Help your community! Build relationships! Learn workplace skills! Accumulate references! All good reasons for Aspies to take Volunteering very seriously.

Share this:

In my book, Unforgiving, Memoir of an Asperger Teen, I often express the feeling of being disconnected from the rest of my family and my peers.

In the introductory interview, Stephen Shore describes “the most important thing about my parents”, which is that they accepted him for who he was, and yet at the same time realized that he would face a number of challenges in his journey toward a normal life.

So we must learn to love and accept ourselves. Understand this–we can make friends, be comfortable with some people, sincerely listen, pleasantly respond.

And parents please understand, whatever else you do, accepting your child for who they are is the first step on the road to your child’s integration into society.

Yours truly,

Margaret Jean.

Share this:

When Susan Boyle stepped onto that stage in England, she did not look at all like anyone’s idea of a singing star.