Category Archives: behaviours

Sep 16 2013
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Autism Spectrum, behaviours

Social Thinking: Strange New Worlds For People With ASD to Explore and Conquer.

Raise Your Hands–Perfect For Kids Going to School.

Researching topics for this blog always brings me to new and exciting research.  Although I must admit most of the new and exciting research has been developed over a period of several years.

This week I’m featuring yet another educator, Michelle Garcia Winner, who has developed a social skills training method which revolves around social thinking.

Winner’s website describes social thinking as:  . . .what we do when we interact with people: we think about them. And how we think about people affects how we behave, which in turn affects how others respond to us, which in turn affects our own emotions.

She goes on to state that while for most people the process of acquiring social information and communication methods develops naturally from birth on, there are many people for whom “this process is anything but natural.” (from http://www.socialthinking.com/what-is-social-thinking).

Garcia-Winner differentiates social thinking strategies from social skills training.  Workshops and seminars are available for both parents and professionals.

Social Thinking strategies teach individuals:

  • How their own social minds work – why they and others react and respond the way they do;

  • How their behaviors affect the way others perceive and respond to them;

  • And how this affects their own emotions, responses to and relationships with others across different social contexts.

For individuals being taught or treated the objectives of these strategies include the ability to:

  • Recognize that they and others have different perceptions and abilities to process social information;

  • Navigate their social thinking, social interaction and social communication toward more rewarding outcomes;

  • Learn to better adapt and respond to the people and situations around them.

This is an excellent website.  Enjoy exploring this new world of social skills concepts!

Yours truly,

Margaret Jean.

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Sep 02 2013
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Autism Spectrum, behaviours

ADHD–Think You Have It? What Do You Need To Know?

ADHD–we’ve all heard about it.  Parents, school teachers and special ed assistants talk about it all the time.  But if you’re an adult and think you might have ADHD, you might also be wondering  Do I really have to do something about it?  Isn’t it enough to just be aware that I need to focus more?

Fortunately, Drs. Craig Surman, M.D. and Tim Bilkey,M.D have worked with Karen Weintraub to write a really great guide for adults with ADHD.

FAST MINDS How to Thrive if You Have ADHD (Or Think You Might)  is a book built around an acronym that the doctors use to describe symptoms of ADHD.

F is forgetful.  A is Achieving below potential.  S is Stuck.  T is Time challenged.  M is motivational issues.  I is impulsive.  N is for novelty seeker.  D is for distractable and S is for scattered.

If any or all of those scenarios seem to apply to you, this book is very helpful.  And judging by the video that introduces this blog, FAST MINDS could be an essential read for adults with ADHD.

Another great video featuring Dr. Bilkey can be viewed at:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlvM25b1n8g.

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Aug 26 2013
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Autism Spectrum, behaviours

Possible Autism Spectrum Behaviours? You Can Find Answers Here…

Have you noticed some issues that consistently challenge your child’s social and/or developmental progress?  Do you think it might be ADHD or maybe even symptoms of Asperger’s or autism (which you’ve heard about, but could not define)?  Where do you go for some basic knowledge to help you sort things out?

Understanding Autism for Dummies is immensely helpful.  Author Stephen M. Shore, MA lectures and consults from within the spectrum.

With the help of co-author, journalist Linda G. Rastelli, Shore  covers everything.  From how to identify signs and symptoms for early intervention to how to get the right diagnosis and develop a specialized treatment plan,  Shore takes you through to finding the right doctor, and manoeuvring your child’s way through the educational system with the best possible outcome.

Shore looks at every aspect of Autism from causes and diagnosis, to biological issues, and learning and social challenges.   In addition he has an entire section devoted to adults with autism, and adds an appendix of helpful resources.  I got it from the library.  You can buy it at your local bookstore or through Amazon and other online booksellers.

Shore’s book is also available through http://www.autismasperger.net/

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Jul 17 2013
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Autism Spectrum, behaviours Video

Connecting Fathers To Their Autism Spectrum Child Through Understanding Sports Play.

Many parents feel disconnected from their Asperger’s/Autism spectrum child.  What do Dad’s often see as the ultimate shared male pasttime?  Why, sports of course.

And that’s where Sluis Academy founder and teacher Bill Sluis enters the scene.  Sluis has developed and refined a proven method of teaching socialization through physical activity.  A method that should help fathers bond with their sons and daughters as they teach them both social and physical skills related to games and team sports.

Sluis has had success using everything from a simple ball toss, to teaching autistic and special needs children baseball, golf and even shotput.

This high school teacher’s approach has been refined over a period of 35 years, and he has seen some amazing results.  My daughter and I attended a presentation by Sluis tonight. As you may know, both my daughter and I, and her son have Asperger’s, and my daughter is also an Special Education Assistant in a high school.  We were astounded at his knowledge of the issues.

In every case, Sluis understood the anxiety associated with sports.  “Developing the skill level wasn’t sufficient,” he explained tonight.  “Initiating into the game was another problem.  Getting into the game and maintaining that.”

Speaking as an Aspie, it is wonderful to hear someone speak not only to the need to develop a child’s physical skills but also to assist him in negotiating the social anxiety associated with trying to integrate oneself into a team sport.

Initiating into the game is a process few Phys Ed teachers even consider putting on their curriculum.  And yet, for children on the Autism spectrum, figuring out how to get invited into the game, and stay welcome throughout, is a huge source of anxiety.  

Even if we have the physical skill set, how do we get what Bill Sluis calls “initiated” into the game, and how do we get people to want us to stay?  We may have a great physical skills level but we need to show that in interaction with others.  And that requires another skill set–also completely foreign to us.

This is where the Sluis method is perfect.  It addresses both these anxiety sets, something few other methods do.

You will hear more about Bill Sluis and the Sluis Academy in future blogs.

The Sluis Academy is new, and it’s website is still under construction.  But you can go to http://www.sluisacademy.com/ and see what help will soon be available.

Bill Sluis is available for presentations to teachers, parents and other groups who may be interested in his work.

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Jul 07 2013
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Autism Spectrum, behaviours

Steps To Socializing Your Aspie Teen.

As you can see from my last post, the issue of socializing is huge for Aspies.  This is especially true in the late pre-teen and early teen years.

Arranging a social event with a friend isn’t always the answer if the child with Asperger’s has trouble communicating in a meaningful way.  Just getting them together with  a “neurotypical” teen in a social setting isn’t going to help.  In fact, it can be disastrous.

Anna Matchneva from Burnaby BC works one on one with Asperger’s children, and this is what she suggested in a talk to parents last year.

First, limit the time for interaction to ‘safe’ time, that is time when the conversation will most likely be of mutual interest.

How do you do that?

Anna finds getting your teen Aspie to invite a friend for pizza and a movie is ideal.

First on the agenda is going to the movie.  When they are driving to the movie, they can talk about what movie they want to see and all the things they have heard about the movie.

Other topics may come up, but the drive to the theatre should not be too long, and the parent driving them can always intervene a little if necessary.

Next, at the movie, the parent drops them off.  The talk will be about arrangements to be picked up, how to buy the tickets and what snacks they want.  This is very safe also.

Once in the theater, everything should be good.  Although in my experience?  The Aspie child may have to be warned to be quiet and not comment during the movie, but save all their comments for afterward.

The time from the end of the movie to pick up should be minimal, to ensure that the conversational requirements don’t tax the Aspie child.

Then to the pizza parlour.  Again, conversation will center around the children’s preferences, and the movie action and how the children rate the movie.

After pizza, time for the guest to be dropped off at his/her home.

This kind of managed social time gives Aspie’s a sense of confidence which should ease both the child’s and the parent’s anxieties over social situations.

Let me know how it works if you try it, please!

Yours truly,

Margaret Jean.

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Jun 28 2013
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Autism Spectrum, behaviours

Speak To Me, Aspie. Or Not. Conversational Skills For Asperger Me.

One telling symptom of Asperger’s that most professionals agree on is the conversational habit of interrupting and overtalking.

For most  Asperger’s types, especially early on, ages three and up, the opportunity for social exchange is really limited.  But our brains are going all the time.

This results in a ton of thoughts and ideas bottled up inside of us.  Ideas we firmly believe are worth sharing!

We feel starved for verbal connection.  And the moment someone opens up that opportunity for us to be verbal , facts and observations totally unrelated to the topic of conversation can spew violently out, one thought immediately overtaking the last.

This feels rude and frightening to the person who has unwittingly engaged us.  When they try to bring us back around to the topic, we tend to talk over them or interrupt.

The other person’s comfort level is now in alarm state.  They feel an urgent need to escape our presence.

I have learned that self control is a major factor in making and keeping friends.

To have a real conversation, one in which others will gladly participate, I find these simple rules can be helpful:

1. Give others time to speak.

2. Concentrate on listening to them.  Be truly engaged with what they are saying and feeling.

3. Verbally respond in a positive way to what they have said.

4. Do not simply wait impatiently until they stop talking so you can start.

Learning to listen is a powerful aspect of conversing.  Really hearing and understanding what the other person is saying and responding appropriately  is the bridge that connects us to the rest of the human race; to our parents, our siblings, the people we want to have for friends, and our whole community.

And guess what?  Aspies aren’t the only ones who need to learn the art of conversation!

Yours truly,

Margaret Jean

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Jan 09 2013
3 Comments
Autism Spectrum, behaviours

The How-To Behind Friendship (Not Just For Aspies!)

Making friends and keeping friends: Research confirms these are two areas that seem to seriously challenge children with Asperger’s.

 So says Anna Matchneva, a lecturer and one-on-one counsellor who works closely with children on the autism spectrum and their parents.

Rejected:  This is a category of children Anna often sees.  She is not referring to parental neglect, but to the playground or social setting.

The rejected child is one who tries to join a group but is denied access.

Mostly we will never know why some people choose not to be friends with us.  But totally there are things we can do differently.

For instance, we might approach a group and start talking about whatever is on our mind when really?  We need to listen.  Try to pick up on what the others are saying.  Take a little time to formulate a brief remark in line with their conversation.  Don’t try to work in your current interest.  Stick to their conversation.

But hey, that’s easy to learn, right?  Just take a little time before speaking.  Listen.  Try to understand what they’re talking about.  Not just what they’re saying, but what they mean.

 We Aspies get a little starved for attention sometimes and that can make us talk too much, too loud, too soon.  But it’s easy enough to get over those habits.

I know myself, I have to be careful not to dive hell bent for leather into a topic, completely overwhelming and boring the people who were kind enough to invite me into the group.

And anyway, not every group wants another member.  They may be having a private conversation.  They may believe they have nothing in common with you, and therefore, not see any point in trying to make friends.  Maybe they are happy just as they are.  Then you need to find someone else to talk with.

Remember, your focus can be a very good thing, even if others don’t want to share in it.  It’s similar to the single-mindedness that made Taylor Swift a star and Bill Gates a computer mogul.

Try to listen first.  Take a minute or two to find out what the group and the conversation is about.  And when you do speak, smile, keep a neutral tone, and above all, be brief!

And please note–Aspies aren’t the only people in the world who have trouble making and keeping friends.  Lots of people do!

Yours truly,

Margaret Jean

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Dec 13 2012
2 Comments
Autism Spectrum, behaviours, sexual abuse survivors, UNFORGIVING, Writing

Review: “Unforgiving: Memoir of an Asperger Teen”.

Recently at the Surrey International Writer’s Conference, I had the privilege of spending some quality time with a writer who has greatly influenced the development of my writing.

Vanessa Grant writes romance novels, but the concepts she talked about years ago at a VPL event helped me in developing every relationship in my book.

I am proud to call her a friend as well as a mentor.  Here is the review she posted after reading my memoir: Unforgiving.

Published by Vanessa Grant on

Write it forward – the best gift

 November 12, 2012 | 3 Responses

Last month when I met Margaret Jean Adam at the Surrey International Writer’s Conference (SIWC), I had no idea that she was going to give me a treasure.  When I first spotted her, she was standing behind the BC Federation of Writers’ booth at the conference. We chatted for a few minutes before she mentioned that she’d attended a workshop I gave a few years ago.

“I learned something very important from you,” she said suddenly. “You taught me that characters must experience personal growth from their relationships.”

I learned most of what I know about writing from other authors – either reading their books, or listening to them speak about writing. I love talking about storytelling, and giving the occasional workshop, so it’s a pleasure to learn that I passed on something useful, a truth I didn’t fully learn until I’d written a several books.

The next day she gave me an autographed copy of her most recent memoir: M. J. Adam’s Unforgiving – the Memoir of an Asperger Teen

I’ve  just finished reading Unforgiving, and I can tell you, M. J. Adam is one hell of a writer.

Unforgiving – the Memoir of an Asperger Teen is one of the most beautiful books I have ever read.

M. J. Adam has crafted an inspiring book, a definite must-read for anyone who has, knows, is, or was an Asperger’s teen.

I highly recommend it for anyone who cares about child survivors of any kind of trauma, and for teens struggling to understand themselves and the world they live in.

I cried when I read this memoir. I laughed. I cheered Margaret Jean’s indomitable inner strength, and felt honoured that she had shared herself so deeply with this reader.

I like to think that I write good books, and I hope they give pleasure to my readers. M. J. Adam has done something more – she’s written a great book about life and relationships and coming of age.

Unforgiving is a rare treasure.

The events that happened to Margaret Jean should never happen to any child. Yet they did happen, and the miracle is that each page of Margaret Jean’s memoir rings with love, the amazing power of healing, and the spirit of survival.

I’ve learned something important from you, M. J. Adam.

Thank you

Vanessa

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Nov 22 2012
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Autism Spectrum, behaviours

For Aspies: Friendship and The Science Behind It.

This week I will pass on a blurb from the BC Autism Society about Anna’s upcoming talk this Monday, Nov 26.

This Coming Monday: Richmond ASBC Parents Group Meeting:
“The Art of Friendship and the Science Behind It”

by Anna Matchneva, M.Ed., BCBA, PEERS-Certified instructor

Anna has extensive experience in providing hands-on therapy for children
with ASD, conducting functional assessment and developing behavior support
plans, training and supervising intervention team staff, conducting skill
assessment and developing programs that address each child’s unique needs,
developing and facilitating play and social groups, and conducting parent
and professional workshops.

Anna is a PEERS-Certified instructor, under Dr Elizabeth Laugeson from UCLA.

TOPIC:
“The Art of Friendship and the Science Behind It”

Is your child having trouble making and keeping friends? Friendships are
important in helping children develop emotionally and socially. In
interacting with friends, children learn important social skills, such as
how to communicate, cooperate, and solve problems. Some children, however,
have difficulty forming friendships. The solution: teach your children
specific social skills they need to connect with their peers. As parent, you
are the best person to help your child solve friendship problems by
expanding their peer network and working together to promote successful
get-togethers.

PEERS (Program for the Evaluation and Enrichment of Relational Skills) is a
parent-assisted intervention focusing on teens in middle school and high
school who are having difficulty making or keeping friends. It is the
developmental extension of an evidence-based program known as Children’s
Friendship Training (Frankel & Myatt, 2003). PEERS has been field tested
most extensively on teens with autism spectrum disorders (ASDs), to a
limited extent on teens with developmental disabilities and fetal alcohol
spectrum disorders (FASDs), and has recently undergone testing with teens
with attention-deficit-hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

Date: Monday, Nov 26, 2012
Time: 7-9pm
Location: Tyee room at Steveston Community Centre – 4111 Moncton Street,
Richmond

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Oct 21 2012
4 Comments
Autism Spectrum, behaviours, pedophiles, sexual abuse, UNFORGIVING

Asperger’s at the Surrey International Writers’ Conference (SIWC)

This weekend the SIWC takes over the Sheraton Guildford, with hundreds of writers, including Asperger me, swarming the premises.  A volunteer at the Federation of BC Writers’ table, I took the opportunity to promote my book, Unforgiving, the Memoir of an Asperger Teen.  

People were frank in expressing their curiosity about Asperger’s and I was delighted to be able to clarify about and advocate for Asperger’s and Autism.

Many people have heard about Asperger’s but aren’t sure what the term implies.  Not only did people want to know what behavioural anomalies were associated with Asperger’s, but also what that might look like in a person’s life.

I explained that Asperger’s kids generally are very honest, almost unable to lie.  Deceit and manipulation are usually beyond them.  They also go largely by spoken word, and are unable to pick up on tonal variations (sarcasm, innuendo) and facial expression.

This makes these children extremely vulnerable to bullying.

At the very least, Asperger’s kids are often socially challenged, not learning how to respond to others by observing others in a social setting.  They mostly need to be taught, step by step, with the how and why of each type of social encounter.  Even then, the child may get it wrong, either because of mistaking the type of social interaction he is responding to, or because of feeling “safe” in the situation having passed the first few minutes in acceptance, and then getting it wrong beyond that point.

In my book, Unforgiving,  I show some of the blunders I made, some of the vulnerability that comes from being unable to communicate in an appropriate way both with adults and peers.  Having Asperger’s can make one a target for bullying, for pedophiles, for all sorts of difficult situations.

Keeping the lines of communication open, and understanding the syndrome is crucial to keeping your Asperger’s child safe.

I was glad for the chance to talk to people at the SIWC about Asperger’s.  Hopefully, it will make a difference, however small, in someone’s life.

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